Still here, just distant..

I've yet to grapple with this blog, to sort out duplicated entries etc.
But you know, right now I don't care. Why?
Probably something in the air...
June 2009.
We'll see :) xx

Media doctor hit with suspension

Fake bus stop keeps Alzheimer's patients from wandering off

Click the link above. Yes it's true and it works.

Rare Elizabeth I portrait found

Have you seen this? Click the link above. It's a great painting. The larger image is here
That little girl on the right said this.

ECT: Doctors don't know how it works, so why use it?

hmm.

It is particularly useful in older patients who present with severe forms of depression where they are so depressed they refuse food and drink, appear confused or paranoid, or experience nihilism.

Sad to say I've nursed such people, and at the time there was no choice, other than ECT. It worked very well for them - spectacularly well. People often don't realise how life-threatening depression can be. I think that quote demonstrates it.

Burma 'guilty of inhuman action'

click the link above. BBC News.

The Queen at Tilsbury 1588

Public urged to help Burma victims

Help the people of Burma. Click the link here:
DEC Myanmar (Burma) Cyclone Appeal
They are dying.

Burma's survivors 'facing crisis' - BBC

BBC NEWS
Burma's survivors 'facing crisis'

Burmese cyclone survivors face a massive crisis unless they are urgently delivered aid, leading aid agencies have warned.

A likely death toll of 100,000 could rise to 1.5m without provision of clean water and sanitation, Oxfam said.

The International Rescue Committee said that without a massive delivery of aid, Burma faced "unimaginable tragedy".

Eight days after Cyclone Nargis struck, the UN estimates only a quarter of survivors have received any aid so far.

The military government is still refusing to allow many foreign nationals into Burma to distribute relief.

'Perfect storm'

"We are afraid there is a real risk of a massive public catastrophe waiting to happen in Myanmar," said Sarah Ireland, UK-based Oxfam's East Asia director.

She added that the disaster was a "perfect storm" which bore "all the factors" for a "public health catastrophe".

The UN, which has launched a $187m (£96m) appeal for aid, says those in the worst-affected areas urgently need food, shelter and medical aid.

Deliveries of aid to the country have been arriving sporadically, with correspondents saying some aid is reaching survivors, but not nearly enough.

"Unless there is a massive and fast infusion of aid, experts and supplies into the hardest-hit areas, there's going to be a tragedy on an unimaginable scale," said the US-based IRC's Greg Beck.

But Andrew Kirkwood, the head of the UK aid organisation Save the Children in Burma, told the BBC aid has started to reach an increasing number of people over the last two days.

Burma's state media says 23,335 died, but the UN says the toll could be about 100,000.

Government control

On Saturday, a convoy from the UN refugee agency, UNHCR, crossed into Burma from Thailand with 22 tonnes of tents and other humanitarian supplies.


EXTENT OF THE DEVASTATION

Joe Lowry, of the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies, said he hoped another seven flights would reach Burma before Monday.

Since the cyclone struck on 3 May, aid agencies already in the country have started relief efforts with supplies they had available and by buying from local sources.

But they warn that supplies will run out unless more aid is allowed into the country.

Christian Aid's Burma expert Ray Hasan said: "Partners are telling us that there are outbreaks of disease already. There is no time to lose."

Aid has been flown in from Burma's neighbours, such as China and Thailand, and the first US relief flight is expected to arrive on Monday.

But aid agencies say the Burmese government does not have the capacity to handle the scale of the relief efforts needed and must allow more foreign aid and disaster experts into the country.

Richard Horsey, a spokesman for UN humanitarian operations said an international presence was needed in Burma to look at the logistics of getting boats, helicopters and trucks into the worst-affected delta area.

"That's a critical bottleneck that must be overcome at this point," he told the Associated Press, speaking from Bangkok.

Disease

The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies said thousands of people were homeless and are living in pitiable conditions.



Hospitals, schools and other large buildings are crammed with the displaced.

Federation workers said they had seen evidence that some aid, such as newly-installed or repaired pumps, were working, but the water around and near these buildings was black-brown and foul-smelling.

Christian Aid says people are asking for rice seeds, as their supplies have been damaged. Unless people plant the seeds in the next month, they will have no supplies of rice until May 2009.

Poll doubts

Meanwhile, Burma's government said there was a massive turnout in Saturday's constitutional referendum.

The UN said it should not have been held at a time of such devastation.

Voting took place across two-thirds of the country, but was postponed for two weeks in the worst-hit areas - including the Irrawaddy delta and Rangoon, the main city.

The country's ruling generals say the vote will pave the way for democratic elections in 2010, while the opposition says it is intended to entrench military rule.

Correspondents say many people in Burma are cynical about the vote and had felt compelled to vote "yes" because of the presence of soldiers around polling stations.

Groups involved in last year's pro-democracy protests accused the junta of concentrating on a "sham constitutional referendum" instead of "putting all resources toward saving the lives" of cyclone victims.

Burma impounds UN aid deliveries - BBC News

click the headline above.
Madness.

If there are survivors

and they are in the water they will die. The water surrounding them is poisoned now. If they do not have clean water they will die. Their small shelters have been blasted away by the storm. If they were injured and do not have medical treatment they will die. If they are clinging to trees to escape the fetid water, their strength will fail, they will be severely dehydrated, they will starve and they will die. Many not found will be dead already, Many will be clinging to the last threads of life. Even if they are found alive, they may not make it through. But some will be living, some will survive, and they must all be found.
Death is in the water now.

Burma's Cyclone Death Toll Soars - BBC

the link's here

It never rains but

it falls straight out of the sky, hitting the dodgy bedroom window and cascading down the inside of the window pane.
Managed to stem it with a towel before it started a waterfall off the windowsill.

I guess that's pretty bl***y decided then.
Think it might be subsidence again.
Ack!!

Humphrey Lyttelton has died.

Jazz legend Lyttelton dies at 86 BBC News

Goths' blackest day

Click this link.
They're nice kids. So sad.

When something's good, it's good...

It doesn't matter how you found it, saw it or first knew it.
...

I love these poems. The mystery of them.
People will always tell you what you should like, but they're not you, so how can they know?
They can do all kinds of literary dances round the purposes of poetry, but it's purpose is...
To work - for you.
And that's it.
It doesn't matter why. It really doesn't.

All's well.
The minutiae of life, all the rough bits smoothed.
I am there in the woods and I am standing by that door.
They're that good. And they will do :)

The Listeners

The Listeners
by Walter De La Mare (1873-1956)

"Is there anybody there?" said the Traveller,
Knocking on the moonlit door;
And his horse in the silence champed the grass
Of the forest's ferny floor;
And a bird flew up out of the turret,
Above the Traveller's head:
And he smote upon the door again a second time;
"Is there anybody there?" he said.
But no one descended to the Traveller;
No head from the leaf-fringed sill
Leaned over and looked into his grey eyes,
Where he stood perplexed and still.
But only a host of phantom listeners
That dwelt in the lone house then
Stood listening in the quiet of the moonlight
To that voice from the world of men:
Stood thronging the faint moonbeams on the dark stair,
That goes down to the empty hall,
Hearkening in an air stirred and shaken
By the lonely Traveller's call.
And he felt in his heart their strangeness,
Their stillness answering his cry,
While his horse moved, cropping the dark turf,
'Neath the starred and leafy sky;
For he suddenly smote on the door, even
Louder, and lifted his head:--
"Tell them I came, and no one answered,
That I kept my word," he said.
Never the least stir made the listeners,
Though every word he spake
Fell echoing through the shadowiness of the still house
From the one man left awake:
Ay, they heard his foot upon the stirrup,
And the sound of iron on stone,
And how the silence surged softly backward,
When the plunging hoofs were gone.

And Tonight,

I just want poetry.
That's all.

It's been a cathartic week.

The Way Through the Woods

The Way Through the Woods
By Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

They shut the road through the woods
Seventy years ago.
Weather and rain have undone it again,
And now you would never know
There was once a road through the woods
Before they planted trees.
It is underneath the coppice and heath,
And the thin anemones.
Only the keeper sees
That, where the ring-dove broods,
And the badgers roll at ease,
There was once a road through the woods.

Yet, if you enter the woods
Of a summer evening late,
When the night-air cools on the trout-ringed pools
When the otter whistles his mate,
You will hear the beat of a horse's feet,
And the swish of a skirt in the dew,
Steadily cantering through
The misty solitudes,
As though they perfectly knew
The old lost road through the woods...
But there is no road through the woods.

Polly Toynbee says..

Stop tinkering, Gordon. Be bold, and show whose side you are really on

Public outrage over tax has created the right political mood for Labour to restore its reputation as a party for social justice

From here
A bigger picture. :)

It's too early

to make great announcements that only have a little greatness in them, even if they're important to us. So I'll not.
We're at the beginning of a new day. I'll wait until the sun rises.

Nope, no blog today

I'm tired. :)
Had quite a stressed-out day all in all.
Got card to nephew, got another odious letter written, got things done but...
Oh b*gger it's draining.
Not family or friends obviously, just...
Nope - no blog. Tired.
This is just a winding down. Had a sleeping tablet, eaten an apple which irritated my teeth an am now drinking milk to take the taste of the apple away. Healthy fruit - pleugh pleugh pleugh :D
No, no more. Not a blog at all today. Too tired.
D'you know this blog was once called 'Notablogatallreally' until I discovered that someone else had a website by that name - can you believe it? Hence current name.

I saw my old book being advertised on Amazon for £0.01 up to £43. If you see that £0.01 ad don't be cheated, as it was way more than '5 pages' long :D

Meanwhile a mate of mine was too damn close to a gas explosion.
...

Okay now -
Is it apples or oranges and milk that give you nightmares? Nah I'm too old for that.

Wendy Cope - will you just ease up on your poetry-on-Internet banning? I could have sold loads of your books by now, just by talking about them. But there's no point talking about something you can't quote is there? I do think you wrote one of the best poems ever, that captured the heart of something terrible...
It deserves a wider audience.

JK Rowling, I think you're ace :D Just an observation, but I do. Wish your books had been around when I was younger, I might have learned to read...
oh um...
well all right but you get my drift. Seriously good set of books for kids.

We had gas explosions when I was a kid. Scary things.

Gordon Brown I'm seriously not going to vote for you until you stop mucking around. But don't worry as I won't vote for the others either, because they're worse.

Have you heard they're re-opening pits? How's that for irony?

Okay, ... see what I mean?
It's late and I'm tired.
and this is not a blog at all. Really.

People say

that 'the change' is a bad thing. Well I'm touching wood left right and centre because, just now, I'm'a dancing on air. Doing a little menopausal jig. Because I don't feel I'm losing anything - apart from the obvious and well - hooray to that! :D

My Nephew's Birthday

is tomorrow. I was looking for a card for him the other day, didn't see one I liked so made a mental note to remind myself to remember...
Then forgot! Gah!
But now I've remembered just in time.
There's a lesson to be learned in there somewhere... :D

But I've got to write

I've got to.
I've got to focus, and I will.
This weekend.

To be clear,

It was someone else being hounded in possibly the most heartless way I've ever heard of. I mean really, seriously... but I'm not going into any other details.
I hope the bank concerned is exposed. Because they damn well ought to be!!

- and then I was swerved..

I couldn't believe something I read this morning. Not on the news - although I hope it soon will be.

So I swerved like a car with no brakes hitting an oil slick, careering into a forest.

This
has
got
to
STOP!!!

Bugger it.

I don't even know what the news is today. I'm barely aware of the time. I should at least do the dishes. Blimey!!

Okay. Deep breath.

Which meant..

When I wake up this morning, properly at the beginning of the day and not in the middle of the early hours (worst time of day) I shall write - and write and write, and I'll not be swerved. Which means that I won't be distracted. I will write the book.
I'll not be sent spinning by another letter. I don't need to be - we are doing the right thing.
So, bath first, then to work.

3.20am

MP Gwyneth Dunwoody dies aged 77
Sad to hear this.

I've been asleep since 7pm last night. Woke 2am this morning.
Today - when I wake - am going back to bed - I'll not be swerved.

Had a lovely email from Katie - will be in touch :) xx

millions of thoughts

before i sleep. and am writing this in bed,
but what do i say?
talk about the sheer joy of having wardrobes again - practical
worry about the recession's impact on third world...
we should stop talking about 'third world' - people are starving on other continents.
i'd bet, if all the seas dried up, or the land masses that broke from each other millions of years ago joined up again, we;d think of world very differently.
world is world, our smsll blue plsnet.

Nearly lost it yesterday,

Nearly slid off the plate, tipped over the edge, peered into a very deep cravass indeed. With some help - also some medication and good people - I tipped back from the edge, slept it away and woke this morning okay.
So, that's the serious stuff.
On a lighter note, the countryside is heading towards the Spring Shout - new leaves, sweet, fresh dawns, longer days... and bluebells.
We had it all today. Snow and hail and bright Spring sunshine. It'll do.

Viz. the Olympic torch: waiting for a torch carrier brave enough to drop it in a puddle. That would do too.

They're banning protests in Zimbabwe. That won't do at all.

Last week, by way of a holiday, we spent the night in a Kensington Hotel for very little money. Why was it so cheap? No windows. Or rather there was a window, but every pane was painted white and it was locked solid, which to me would seem more honest if they bricked it up.
But it was okay, and we had a good time. Sat by the Serpentine as the Red Arrows flew over - before they started the coloured vapour trails. Missed that bit.
Walked past a small queue in Leicester Square, not knowing that it was for the Rolling Stones Premiere thing, and the Rolling Stones would turn up - although by that time we were on the bus back home.
Went to the National Gallery and had a free look round, because it's free but you have to be pretty tough not to donate or buy the tour guide tape thingy, which we didn't want and couldn't afford. Had a hot flush in one of the 17th Century rooms, but it didn't last long and frankly it means menopause and well, hooray to that! :D
Now, they were the things, but there were many added things. We walked from Marble Arch to South Kensington, which was very nice, saw the Albert Hall and the Albert Memorial and, as I say, the Serpentine. We spent a nice time at Trafalger Square, browsed a few bookshops on Charing Cross Road (mm, still thinking about a future in books.. one way or another it may well happen). We also stayed the night accidentally close to my old publishing house, and... we saw the most beautiful car I have ever seen in a showroom which cost £178,000 - yes really. I'm no car gazer or dreamer or anything car related usually but it really was very beautiful to look at - just that one mind.
We also saw Da Vinci's Sunflowers and had a bit of a surreal Athena moment - you know the poster shop? And there we were feet away from the real thing, close enough to touch it... which we didn't do, obviously.
Ah, but we did not see enough. We were not there long enough. We will go again. Seeing the Impressionists in Venice was nicer, as it was much quieter. I love the Impressionists. They're great with light and colour.

Well if that makes any sense, it will do for a blog.
What nearly tipped me over the edge yesterday was a letter from one of those luvverly firms my other page is about. It just made me cross, and intensely tired, but cross, but tired, and it was a hard day to get through. But we're clearing our way through the jungle, getting back in control of our lives, paying some bills and so, generally, it's good... But I'm tired, because it drains you and I just want to write.
What the gooks don't know is that I'm writing about them. Who knows, in the near future I shall interview them. I am most certainly going to report them to the OFT.

The jungle... William Blake, 'Tiger tiger...' the painting I loved the most at the National Gallery was of a jungle, and a tiger, but the breeze in it was real, and the rain on the leaves felt real, and it was a little bit transporting. It drew me back at least three times, just to feel that jungle again. I'm half asleep now but will find it tomorrow.
Anyway it made me think of William Blake, and 'Jerusalem'. Still singing it.

And Today's Hero is:

I've already quoted the news on my Fight Debt Page <- click to see, but...
I love the OFT!!! :D

David Philpott, OFT Deputy Director of Consumer Credit, said:

'It is unacceptable for debt collection businesses to engage in unfair practices and we will continue to take action where we find evidence of this. One of our main priorities is to protect consumers who may already be vulnerable as a consequence of serious debt problems.'

Changes Afoot...

and they are good. In the meantime if you want to sign a petition in the very electronic corridors of power I'd suggest this one..
It says:

This country is increasingly racking up large amounts of debt. This is causing massive social problems. Creditors are abusing their powers by employing debt collection agencies that have inflexible working procedures. They are ignoring debt collection guidelines issued by the Office and as it is not a statutory document they are not breaking any rules. Making these guidelines statutory would relieve borrowers of some of the pressure from their creditors and agents.

Sign if you can. These rogues have been amassing fortunes by exploiting the suffering of people when they are most vulnerable - and it looks like many have been targeting the very vulnerable deliberately. They are noxious and have no place in a just society. You can sign by clicking this link:
We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Enforce the Debt Collection Guidelines as issued by the Office of Fair Trading.
It's Downing Street. It's our Government. Our democratically appointed Government. When's the next election? I'm still looking for heroes... :)

Blue skies, smilin at me..

Nothing but blue skies, from now on :D
Even from a distance Flossie, you've planted the song in me head!! :)
Loved the new piccies. It's green and cherry blossom-blooming round here, and snowing(?). Bluebells are out. Going to my bluebell wood in the morning. Probably in the snow. Probably still singing that song.
See what you've done? If I hum it all day tomorrow, I shall of course blame you entirely. ;) xx

Saw Two People

I knew today in Waterstones cafe. First was a woman whose face was so familiar that I'm still thinking "I know you but I don't know but I do!" A writer? A nurse? Colleague or fellow patient at some point? Old neighbour? I'm still rubbing my chin, puzzled. Obviously a nice person anyway, very kind smile. Memory's a curious thing. Oddly, her smile was saying, "It's okay :)" and you know, sometimes, you just have to go with kindness, and what a smile is telling you :) Que sera.
The second was a good bloke who I haven't seen for many years now. And seeing him his given me a dialogue for a very short play. Which I performed to hubby when we came out of Waterstones. Not really a comedy of manners, but rather an anticipation of what could have been an awkward moment. Great bit of dialogue - very funny, didn't happen though.
Plus there was a guy busking with a saxophone, and another busking with a fiddle - outside, obviously :D
Had a great day. Sorry this all sounds mysterious. I'll just have to write about it :D

Charlotte Green - Thanks! :D

BBC Radio 4's Today programme has always been the best thing to listen to in the morning. But this morning was special. Charlotte Green got the giggles - and they were infectious! :D
It was about the oldest recording of a human voice - a very strange rendition of 'Clair de Lune' from 1860. 1860 - think of it! Charlotte handled it admirably until someone in the studio said that the recording sounded like "a bee buzzing in a bottle" :D :D
You gave a lot of people the giggles this morning Charlotte. Unplanned and unexpected, what a lovely way to start the day! :)
Radio 4 news hit by giggling fit

Lenny Henry

Lenny, why are you hosting the Credit Today Awards??
Here's the link to an article I wrote last year about the activities of the companies you'll be 'entertaining':
Voices, Mental Health Practice, November 2007
and here's a list of the companies sponsoring the 'Awards':
Credit Today Awards 2008

They're a rum lot, Lenny. Don't let yourself be associated with them, eh?

Done fighting

I'm officially tired, wiped out by the battle of the last couple of years. My last Voices article for MHP is published, and now I need a break. So...
A break it is then. :) Hurrah! (weakly)
We're going to paint this room either blue or gold. Must admit I like the thought of gold... We'll see.
Time for walks in fresh air, reading some good books (armed with reading glasses) and just generally chilling out.
Then a pretty climactic shift towards writing for publication.
All's well. The sky is blue, the daffodils are out. And so is the paint tin - imminently :)
PS The Apprentice is on again. Cheers me up no end! :D
PPS I'm menopausal - any rogues out there should be on high alert. Don't upset this menopausal writing woman at work! Time for calmer waters. That'd be good :)

Easter Eastenders

So, Max Branning - buried then dug up again yesterday, thankfully still alive. All before the 'watershed' 9pm.
A little bit of Poe (Fall of House of Usher - which I've never read and never will!)
Cheery stuff for an Easter Monday. Not.
Oh and the BBC retold the Easter story - pretty badly, with Jesus played by an actor who called Jesus a 'dude'. And with pretty much every ex-soap actor in it.
BBC at Easter. Gah.
PS - Jules - hope you weathered the storms, they looked fierce! xx

Heard the first

skylark today. Possibly later than most people, I don't know and don't care. It was lovely :)
The banks are in a right old fix, aren't they? Have posted on the Fight Debt Page, which'll do... for now.

'Things fall apart,

the centre cannot hold...'

Stunning poem.

The Second Coming, by W.B. Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Printing

Joyce Grenfell, which I think is the beginning of this blog, which means conversely that the printing's almost done. Lucky as that's absolutely the last paper I have, for tonight at least.
Yep now it's printed a test page, which it's obviously been dying to do since I changed ink cartridges mid-print! :D

'Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer' ...
It's been going round and round in my head all day.
Yeats.
Found the poem on Wikipedia, so here's the link
but I'll put the poem in the next post, as it's amazing...

Busy busy busy

on the book. I should like to thank National Westminster Bank, Lloyds TSB, Capital One (to name but a few) and... well you know who you are - plus those lovely smashing super Credit Reference Agencies, for providing me with so much material just by doing what they do...
They make quite a gang, y'know? Quite a big pot of penny-pinchers. And they've all been busy feeding off the rest of us. And when the taste of us goes stale, when they've chomped at all the apples and wriggled their way through the orchard, when everything they've left behind is waste and confusion, no doubt they'll turn themselves into giant fat butterflies and flap their way out of the mess.
Or not.. ?

We'll see. We shall see. We will see very shortly, I think.
Meanwhile, I've just run out of printer paper...

Changing...

I'm curently housekeeping this blog - and afdp, and the other two. So if it looks odd, or repeated, or whatever, or suddenly disappears - fret not. All's well. I'm just writing :D xx

Enjoying Beethoven Radio!

It's great. Been listening for a couple of hours now. Wonders of the Internet eh? :D Also watched Torchwood on the BBC's IPlayer last week. This I like.
Wouldn't usually listen to opera, but am enjoying bits via Beethoven Radio.
I should be helpful and put the link here. But I'm sure you'll find it with a Google search.

Very sorry to hear that Carol Barnes died following a massive stroke.
Very sorry indeed.

We had smoke across the playing field today. A lot of smoke. Worried that it might be a house fire (saw it from the upstairs bedroom (now study) window), we went out to check. Just someone burning garden waste. Two little girls in party dresses were trying to find out as well, trying to see through the back fence. Thought it was really sweet of them. I think they may well become the neighbourhood guardians now :D

Shades of my own childhood. Very young, we did a 'Dog Patrol' - lasted about a day. Then we hit on the idea of crushing rose petals and mixing it with water to make scent. We took it to an old lady who lived in the next street and asked her to try it. When we went back she said it didn't smell of anything! :D We were crushed worse than the rose petals - but then went fishing for tiddlers, so recovered quickly! :D :D

Life is indeed a long song.
There's a branch on the oak tree than looks detached and if the wind does blow tonight it could come hurtling through our back windows.
Or not.
I like Beethoven!! :D

Just Resting...

Just chilling out, keeping calm, keeping warm and not thinking too much about owt. It's good :)

Flood warning over 'strongest' winter storm

Click the link above.
Take care - esp. my hard-working cake-baking genius old mate! :) xx

Side Effects

Early morning and can't stop legs moving. Called 'restless leg syndrome' drives me up the wall!

Snowfall

Woke to great big flakes of snow. Wonder if it will settle. Too early to think - must have coffee!! :)

Right then...

The article's done. We've established some kind of truce with the decent creditors. It's now time to turn my attention fully to the book.
Feel hugely relieved!! :D
And angry enough to write.

So, to rogue Debt Collection Agencies, to the 'Associations' that cover their many misdeeds with a thin varnish of respectability, to Credit Reference Agencies who purport to be 'the consumer's friend', gathering information to sell on to any Jack the Lad with a few hundred quid... Be on notice. Something terrible happened to our society while we all slept - and it will not continue. You now have my full attention.

Peanut Redemption

Dry roasted. Half a pack. Gosh they're lovely. So now I shall eat two satsumas

Listening to

'Unwired: Africa'. Great album, great music.
Writing article. Want to get on with the book. All's well :)

Ten Miles Down, Just Before One...

Earthquake felt across much of UK
We felt it and heard it. Hope everyone's okay.

Jules,

the old Mac's great, and none the worse for wear. Hurrah!! :D
I've had it with PCs. Forever distracting. Pointless machines.
About to write final column for Mental Health Practice. In a week. Gah.
Saw the photo... :D :D xx

"... Extended Scenes of Peril"

"Contains Extended Scenes of Peril" - The Day After Tomorrow (Film)
Or, what about the real-life version?

As in:

Antarctic glaciers surge to ocean
By Martin Redfern, BBC News

That's a lot of peril, and it's not fiction.

Back Home,

Back on Planet Earth, and writing again. :)

I just can't think!

Searching for 'hurdle poems' - this is serious!!!

Yes I just searched Google for the above, and am no better for the experience! If there's a poem about hurdles that I could quote from I'd do it. The problem is, I'm actually thinking about hurdles now - the running jumping over kind, which led to thoughts about school, hefting the discus and putting the shot, eight hundred metres and... well I'm getting nowhere, which is the point. It's a sad day when I harness the vast encyclopedia of search engine links for a poem about hurdles. Which I've just done.
Am I sad?
NOOOOO!!!
Just the opposite. I'm in a hinterland of 'calm without purpose'. Caught up in a vague and - I have to say rather jolly - state of meandering. :D

Personally, I blame Julie. She bakes the greatest cakes you know.
Clearly good food and company have a calming influence. :) xx

Lemon Drizzle Cake and The Best Coffee

Read Katie's Blog..

'What a Difference a Day Makes'
Spot on, girl. The photo's genius! :D

Oh -

I don't know what to write!!!
THIS IS NOT A BAD THING!!!
It's actually really good. Spent a few days with lovely friends, no nasty letters in the post when we got home - it's great! So, why am I dithering? Why am I not, at this point in time, writing prolifically? Why am I not verbose? Where have the words gone?!?

Well I think it's shock, to be honest. The house hasn't fallen down, everything's okay, and I'm feeling a little bit blown away by NOTHING BAD HAPPENING!!!

What is this strange new place? Is this CALM? Is this what calm people know?

Whoo!!!

Where are the baddies? I know they're out there, but they're not here right now, and this is good, but...
Maybe I'm addicted to adrenaline? Perhaps the only way for me to write is teetering on a precipice? This is worrying. Well no it's not. That's the point - whoooo!!

Okay this is serious. It's a hurdle. The kind of hurdle I need to overcome.

Whitby's great

Whippoorwhil Definition here - Two Oh's!

From The Free Dictionary:

An insect-eating nocturnal North American bird (Caprimulgus vociferus) of the goatsucker family, having spotted brown feathers that blend with its woodland habitat.

- two oh's, see? And oddly a search for 'whipporwhil' in Google brought this page up in the results!! Spooky! :D
Well hey I'll leave the misspelling as it seems it's often done, but that's the correct one, whippoorwhil... what a lovely word it is! And I was nearly right, it was a bird, but am slightly alarmed that it's from the 'goatsucker family'...
Sucking goats - what like vampire birds? - which would be bats - except they're rodents.
Okay I'm away again. :)

Monster Mash Philosophy

While I'm here (not yet looking for whipporwhils) I should mention Monster Mash, by Sandlot Games. It's hugely addictive. So addictive I've had to uninstall it as the eye strain is too much. Also I can't get past Windy City 2 - yes I've been that addicted! :D
Anyway, it's very simple - you guard a little village. You build cannons, gun turrets etc to repel the monsters that trundle down a long path to your village. The monsters get bigger and harder to beat, you build bigger cannons towers etc - if you have any money - which you get from destroying the monsters. The turrets shoot little shots, so you build a lot of them, and upgrade them as and when you can.
Now, sitting here playing this game (as I was - not now) I can't help thinking that the 'lots of little shots' approach is a kind of metaphor for the unpleasantness of those 'agencies' I talk about on my other page. Over time, the many small hits take your life away. They undermine your confidence, your trust, your faith. In little bites. They leave you feeling insecure and uncertain. They post poison through your letterbox, second-class usually. Or they get you on the phone with verbal cannon fire. They knock you down and down and down - and presumably knock the life out of you - to get money. It's a huge thing to you, but you're just one 'debtor' to them. They seek to dehumanise - so there you are, effectively a little 'monster' for them to fire their guns on.
But then the metaphor turns around - as you are also the one defending your home, and they are the monsters... You don't have the money to get rid of them, so they keep advancing, and your little village is overrun.
Strange isn't it?

The Roasting Tin

(Christmas Day 2007):
I bought a roasting tin for the turkey. Long time no cook, so I chose a nice big roasting tin, to have room for the potatoes to roast as well.
It's a really nice roasting tin, and it only cost a couple of quid. Shiny black, big and deep. Big enough for a larger turkey than the one we bought, but I thought I wouldn't take any chances...
So Christmas Day arrived, hubby staggered in from work, and shortly afterwards went to bed. This was the plan:
Roast turkey for approx 2pm, when hubby woke. Watch telly and have a few sherries...
Sherry - good. To plan.
Telly - okay.
Turkey. Thawed thoroughly and (after realising that whatever I was trying to pull out of the turkey was in fact part of the body and not giblets, finding the neck in the other end, apologising profusely to poor turkey and pondering becoming a vegetarian again!) giblets (and neck) was in the saucepan for the cats... I carefully placed the turkey in the shiny black pan. Perfect. It fitted a treat.
The oven was pre-heated. I carried the turkey to the open oven door and...
IT DIDN'T FIT!!!!
It didn't fit one way, it didn't fit the other way, the shiny black roasting pan was too big for the oven!!!
Merde!!
... I was two sherries in by this time. It was 10am, Christmas Day. We'd put off our Christmas until hubby got up, but all around the lights were flashing, people were celebrating, I was half-cut and we didn't have a turkey pan!!!

Now I could have gone two doors up and I know that M would have one, but this was a matter of pride! It had been a pretty crappy year, but this was to be the turning point. The day I re-conquered our kitchen!!
Oh bugger.

So I opened cupboard doors, and delved behind unused crockery, in the vague hope that something would turn up. I remembered tins. We had trays. I hadn't thrown out everything had I????

Well no I hadn't.
An old, shallow square tray, circa 1985, emerged as my salvation.
The Teflon coating was coming off, it had seen better days, but it had a bit of a gulley round it and anyway, that was all we had! So, old turkey got wrapped in turkey tin-foil (which I'd bought at the last minute the day before), just about balanced on the tray, and went in the unexpectedly small (as it happened) oven.

Well it roasted. It was also self-basting (thankfully!). It singed a bit but it could have been so much worse. But for the tray.
The giblets simmered for two hours, kept the juice for the gravy and gave the cats the cut-up liver etc. Which they did not touch.
We all had turkey instead.

Now the roasting pan is just another something in the kitchen. Completely redundant. Which is a tragedy, as it's really very shiny.

Why I love Emerson...

Ralph Waldo that is.
Currently I'm writing blog bits in draft, as I'm here and there, hither and thither, whirling like a wandering whipporwhil - no I don't know what they are either. Actually I think they're tufts of grass, whipporwhils - you know like in the Westerns? Oh no that's tumbleweed. Um, right. I'll go for small rodent or bird and check the spelling because it's probably wrong. In a minute.
Okay, Emerson. We have a book of his works - not first edition just old (1897) and there was a time when I'd read parts of it - too much teeny tiny print right now (see eye post earlier). Well now he says, in his essay 'Self Reliance':

"What I must do is all that concerns me. This rule, equally arduous in actual and intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it."

A short quote, but great indeed. Although Emerson writes to readers he believes are male - which is a bit annoying - I love some of the things he says in his essays. They always inspire me. He just never addressed women, which you have to skirt around.
- and that's about where I am right now. More or less. In a wandering whipporwhil way. :)
(off to check whipporwhil - lovely word! :) )

Derbyshire Day

Went to Winster today - lovely village. Then on to Monsal Head. Excellent meal there. Bangers and mash followed by apricot crumble with custard. Very Nice! :D

Derbyshire's beautiful. Am tired :)

What a morning!! :D

It's beautiful. Bright blue sky and frost. So I'm going out for a paper, then back to get on with writing.
PS: Bought a copy of Writers and Artists Yearbook for 50 pence from WH Smith - 2008 Edition. It had been run over by a trolley but it's intact, just some pages at the front scrunched and the cover ripped. Having bought Writer's Market UK two days before with £5 off the cover price, I'm now content. Last night I got out our old copy of Emerson, wrote a few hundred words by hand, a few hundred more on computer...
I'm writing. I'm writing and I'll go out and shout it into the crisp blue sky this morning. This fine morning.
Saw two wrens on the path Sunday morning. So did the cats. Please wrens don't build your nest in our back garden. There's much better places and I want you to be safe. This is not a safe house for wrens. As beautiful as you are.

My kind of sky..

Bright blue, frost in the morning, not hot.

We have wildflower seeds to grow, bought in a DIY closing down sale.
- but there's so much else to do!!
Fence repair, return of dug soil to the hole where the spade broke hubby's foot.
Bathroom, hall ceiling and sundry huge piles of paperwork that...
"Oh do not ask "What is it", Let us go and make our visit... "
Eliot. 'The Love Song of J. Alfred... '
I think it's on here somewhere.
Anyway - distractions!!

PS Jules...

You back yet? Or have you opened a Cuban cake shop?? xx
PPS Katie - keep going girl, onward and upward! xx

My spelling

has been crap. I shall make amends imminently.
After going out for a paper and watching some Sunday Politics.
(Which will no doubt include a barmy wizard insisting he's not as barmy as he appears to be, while most others will say "With the greatest respect (yawn) he is quite barmy... Send him hence to a Tower of Learning, where he may lecture and we don't have to listen!"

Wonderland: The Madness of Dancing Daniel

'Wonderland: The Madness of Dancing...

Wed 6 Feb, 9:50 pm - 10:30 pm 40mins

The story of 29-year-old Daniel, who suffers from a rare personality disorder that even his psychiatrist can't put a label on it. He's capable of behaving aggressively or obstructively, and he's alienated every London care home that might possibly offer him a room and any kind of independent life.

Most people like Daniel, spend much of their lives in prisons or long stay mental hospitals, but Daniel's psychiatrist really doesn't want to see him locked up in a hospital for the next 20 years, and he's found a possible solution. There's only one problem. It's in Plymouth. And there's about as much chance of Daniel going to Plymouth as there is of him giving up dancing or changing the colour of his tie. Contains some strong language.'

Wonderland
Wednesday's TV:
1st: The above programme reminded me why I first went into nursing.
There was not a single person in the documentary who I disliked. Not one. That wasn't what stirred me.
It's just that I could scream sometimes at life, when it deals someone such a poor hand from birth. He was being helped - greatly helped, but he wasn't far from being admitted to a long-stay hospital.
The documentary was disturbing and hopeful at the same time.
Disturbing, as the very notion of 20 years in an institution unsettles me. 20 years in an institution is a long time, but in institution time passes in a very surreal way. The days are long. Measured by meals, and aimlessly tolerated. There is little point in doing anything but submit to the miniature life. Long days, but weeks are short, and the passage of time is surreal. It isn't really living.
Daniel's behaviour was erratic and bizarre, but I was glad to see he had such a good Consultant, and pleased to see him beginning to settle in his new home.
On balance, I felt more hope than anger, but the documentary was unsettling nonetheless. I was a very ambivalent nurse.
2nd: Repossession, Repossession, Repossession:
Repossession etc
I've stated my anger on my Fight Debt page, but taken as a whole the late evening viewing did bother me - a lot.
Not having a secure foothold bothers me deeply.

Fat Banished! Ho yes, it's...

Sanitized Tapeworms!!!
So people were crazy then too!

Eastenders or Credit Today?

It's been a struggle to stay away from the Credit Today discussion forum this evening. Crumbs!! Not a pretty sight, but has you glued to the screen!
They've been circling their quarry for a while, now he's cornered but fighting back!
We-ell. Credit professionals eh? Who'd have thought they'd turn on 'one of their own'??
But they do... Ho yes.
Id suggest intervention of some kind between the two main protagonists.

Meanwhile, I see a class war brewing. Polly Toynbee talked about an underclass in the 1980s and she was absolutely right. So, what happened? Was it erased by a kinder society? Nooo...
How do you obscure poverty? Credit. How do you make lots o' dosh? Sell credit. And when credit shrieks in horror at the mess it's in?
Pretend it never happened. Take that credit away. Wash your muddied hands of the pile of poop you created. Divide society. I sense change afoot. Just watch and see. Worlds are turning.

Okay, enough intuition for the night.
We thought we might go to London for the day this week. Two return tickets - at least £100 each!!! Bugger that.

Might go to Northants though. Brackley. Check if we're communicating with people on a chicken farm. Fancy offices or not. I used to work for a poultry firm - first job after school, egg packing! Gawd, what a memory! :D

'Be in Control of Your Money'... FSA

" Be in control of your money

In an increasingly uncertain world, it's more important than ever to know what we can do to take care of our finances. Here are some simple steps to help you manage your money when times get tough.

No selling. No jargon. Just the facts. "

From the FSA's Money Made Clear website.

FSA publishes its 2008 Financial Risk Outlook

"Callum McCarthy

Firms and consumers need to recognise there are both short and long term risks and should think about the implications. "

Remember Priorities!!! :)

Remember Life's Priorities

I suppose this is where this and my fight debt page finally merge,

Consumer Direct - Scams

Scams
Here's the Sunday Mirror article:

Killed by Junk Mail'

Jess, 83, killed by junk mail
SUNDAY Mirror INVESTIGATES Tragedy of widow who got 30,000 junk letters & ended up £80,000 in debt after 'You've won fortune' con
By Kate Mansey And Alistair Self Kate.Mansey@Sundaymirror.Co.Uk 02/12/2007

Too weak to tell anyone of her terror, too broke to pay the heating bill, Jessica Looke died of pneumonia - £80,000 in debt, surrounded by a staggering 30,000 junk mail letters.

The frail 83-year-old had been hounded to death by the scammers who had sent them.

One heart-wrenching letter among the thousands of threats and extortions found at her home explained her fears.

In a plea to her tormentors, she wrote: "I am in a desperate financial mess. I am so concerned about getting into debt any deeper. I just really don't know what to do now. Life is hard at times. I can't believe the position I am in. I do wonder if I will get the chance to get over it."

It was a letter she never got the chance to send. She was so weak and broke she couldn't pay the heating bill and caught pneumonia. She died four weeks ago.

The nightmare began 10 years ago when Mrs Looke was sent a letter telling her she had won a foreign lottery. In order to collect her prize, she had to send a cheque for £9.99 to pay an "administration fee".

She responded to that first letter and her details were sold to more criminal gangs, her name put on a so-called "suckers list".

Soon the widow was bombarded with scam mail from all over the world. Before long, she was receiving hundreds of letters a day... and was trying to respond to them all.

Every week Mrs Looke, from Derby, sent off her pension to fraudsters. She spent all her savings and took out loans to respond to threats which said she would lose her home if she didn't pay up. When the vulnerable pensioner finally confided in her family, it was too late.

By that point Mrs Looke was being plagued with demands for money, day and night. She was £80,000 in the red after sending thousands of small sums of money to "collect massive winnings" and exotic holidays, which never materialised.

Mrs Looke's daughter Marilyn Baldwin, 52, said: "Mum broke down and phoned me one night when it had got so bad she didn't know what to do. I had my suspicions something was wrong for a while, but she kept the details a secret from me until it had gone too far.

"At the end she had people hammering on the door for money.

It's appalling to think she suffered in silence while these fraudsters took every last penny from her."

Her daughter said the scammers had told her mother not to tell anyone about their letters and asked for her phone number, which she gave them as she was frightened.

They then began phoning her at all hours, telling her that she had to send them money if she wanted to get the prizes. In one phone call they even told her to sell her house.

Living in fear, the distraught grandmother developed a fatal bout of pneumonia. Mrs Baldwin said: "I know that my mum would not have died if it hadn't been for this.

"She was terrified. Just before she died, mumtold me, 'These people are very dangerous. They say they can put fire bombs through my letter box'."

Mrs Looke is just one of millions conned by a sophisticated worldwide network. Letters posted by criminal gangs in Nigeria, Canada, Belgium, Hungary and Switzerland use cunning tactics to rob Brits of a staggering £60million each year.

Research from the Office of Fair Trading reveals 3.2million people fall victim to junk mail fraud a year, including 380,000 people who are victims of "sweepstake" scams where letters claim they have won a lottery. Rita Hopkins, 84, of Norwich, who suffers from dementia, lost £35,000 after being targeted by postal scams.

Her daughter Julie Kingston, 50, said: "It's wicked. These fraudsters are running a racket.

"At one point my mum was receiving more than 500 letters a week and she was writing out a whole cheque book in a day.

"Because she had sent off lots of her personal details, fraudsters were also taking money straight from her account."

Mike Lambourne, head of the Office of Fair Trading's scambusters team, said: "Unfortunately, this is more common than people think."

Mrs Looke's daughter is now calling for an end to the scam mail. And last night charities threw their weight behind plans for tougher measures.

Gordon Lishman, director of Age Concern, said he was backing the Sunday Mirror's call to stamp out the cash cons.

He said: "The fraudsters who run these mailings will stop at nothing to con people out of their hard-earned cash. We would urge older people to be on their guard."

A Royal Mail spokesman said: "We are working closely with the police to stop any criminal activity.

"The trouble is that too often these companies change their names and carry on sending out the scams through another service provider."

HOW THE SCAM WORKS

The con: They send out letters saying you've won a cash prize/car/holiday but say you must send a "collection fee" or "admin charge" of around £20 to get your winnings.

The catch: If you respond by sending a cheque, your name is flagged up on a "suckers list" and your details are sold to other scammers. THE STING: Once your name is on the list you are then inundated with 100s of letters a day.

HOW TO BEAT CONMEN

Advice from the Office of Fair Trading

The DOs

Read the small print - if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Register for free with the Mailing Preference Service. It can't stop foreign junk mail, but cuts UK junk by 95 per cent. Details online at www.mpsonline.org.uk

Tell someone if you think you have been conned.

Report scam mail to the Royal Mail.

& DON'Ts

Don't reply to scam mail. If you do, you'll be added to that "suckers list" and within days you'll be getting junk mail from all over the world.

Don't send any money up front.

Don't be conned into paying for a "free" gift.

Don't stay silent if you've been conned.

HAVE YOU BEEN THE VICTIM OF A JUNK MAIL SCAM? CONTACT US AT

scambusters@sundaymirror.co.uk
from here

GNN - OFT Scams Awareness Month

OFT launches scams awareness month 2008 campaign highlights the plight of elderly victims who suffer in silence
This is such an important subject.

Eastenders, Tony Jordan, June Brown

Thank you. That was brilliant.

Venice

I had a nice unbirthday :) Added to which it's Venice Carnivale, which means photos of Venice abound. Not so bothered about the costumes. Just love Venice.
I did get my unbirthday wish... Over on my fight debt page.
Hurrah! :D

Wondering

what the post will bring tomorrow.
Had an extraordinary letter last week.
Feeling overwhelmed with paperwork.
Which wouldn't be so bad if it was more pleasant.
But sadly not.

I may have an unbirthday tomorrow.
Just like Winnie the Pooh.

- and what would you like for your unbirthday, Pooh?
A nice letter from a bank.

I know. It's improbable.
But it's my unbirthday. A bear can dream :)

Morning blog

The sky is blue. The sun is shining. We are regaining our lives.
I'm writing. My head isn't falling off with pain. And our respective legs are much better.
The world turns.
As do we. :)

2.15 in the morning and

Fred the bird's singing. I do believe he's serenading the streetlamp again.

Mosaics

Although they're a bit too stylised for me, they have colour and beauty in them, and when I hear the word I see church windows, think of how the glass catches light.
They make me think of the way colour returns to life after a very bad low.
They make me think of kaleidoscopes.
They make me think of light refracting, and history, and how the heart of man turns to beauty.

... Except in marketing.
We are all demographically statistically sociologically empirically psychologically being dropped into little boxes. We are being anticipated and persuaded. It's not nice. But by far the cruellest thing is the name it's given.
The first word of this post, singular.

I never did like sociology. I hate media marketing. But I'm not beyond a little anthropology myself. I may yet study the behaviour of the behaviour studiers.

It's very simple...

I need new glasses.

Hmm.

The world is full of things with teeny tiny print.
Teeny teeny tiny. I mean really.
Labels with cooking instructions... not a chance! Books with little print - forget about it. And books with way too many words in are frankly, I'm sorry to say, just too wordy.
- and what a sad way to describe books! Well I'm sorry but a prerequisite for reading anything these days is that it doesn't take long, isn't spaced too closely together and doesn't have teeny tiny print.
I may be missing some of the finest books in literature ever, right now. And I'm downright jealous of broadsheet newspapers, all that good writing passing me by. Which then annoys me. Broadsheets are therefore annoying. Tabloids annoy me because they're - well, what they are. Salacious hypocritical junk. Chicken-coop morality. Clucking and pecking. But what really annoys me is that they're the only ones I can read. Short articles, decent spacing, easy to focus on - but as uninformative as breakfast TV. In fact they're the print alternative to morning television. You keep turning the pages like you keep watching the telly. Pointless and mind-numbing.

So, I should read the papers on the Internet, yes? Except the latest operating systems really mess with your eyes. Half an hour's reading and it feels like my eyeballs are being stretched into the screen. That's not good.

And then there's the shifting of the eyes from near to far. Regaining focus.
And the fuzziness in the distance.

Well I have straight eyes now. Only a few years ago one of them was worse than lazy. It was so independent that I felt like an iguana. They did some jiggery pokery with electrodes and botox on my eye muscles. Which resolved nothing.
So I had surgery. The surgeon, very reassuringly, did a pre-op examination and marked which eye with an 'X' on my forehead.
It worked. My eyes are straight on these days. No more wandering. But the focus is getting pretty crap.

So I need glasses. But given that one eye is focusing differently to the other, and both blur sometimes, I'm not looking forward to an eye test. My patience eye-wise is stretched thin. Actually, my patience is stretched thin generally. I'm a bit of a grumpy menopausal woman these days. I shout at television adverts. I'm that grumpy.

Well it has to be done. You can't write and not read. Plus it helps to see where you're going. And decipher teeny tiny instruction labels.

Good intentions notwithstanding

... today turned out to be Migraine, Day Two.
other side of menopause - bring it on!

So, now, when not walking around with a wet gauze pad over my right eye - held in place by an elastic hair-band bought incidentally from the village chemist shop where - I confess - it was hard not to roar like a wounded tiger... Anyway, so most of day spent with pink hair-band securing gauze pad over eye, bumping into things and trying to sleep the pain away.
I think it's worked at last. But I'm off to bed soon to be sure it's gone by tomorrow.

It is still raining.

Cats are remarkable creatures.
Dogs are very up-front. Their emotions are always on display. They are vulnerable and trusting and loving and endearing and affectionate and loyal and...
Well, all of the above.
Cats are mostly similar, and yet not...
For example, a dog wants and needs attention all the time.
A cat doesn't.
A cat 'arrives' close to you, as if to say, "I am here. Attend me."
They purr like little engines when fussed.
You can see a cat smile, just like you can see a dog laugh. With both, you feel privileged. With both, you wish they'd stop wrecking things. With both, you forgive them seconds later.

Anyway, today was 'attend me' day with the cats. Love them to bits.

Here comes the news...

The news today is I shall be writing. Writing writing writing.
The dawn chorus woke me and it's still dark outside.
If the birds are singing in darkness they must know something good about something. Or it could be that they're deluded. Maybe it's one bird singing to an orange street lamp. It happens. Actually it is one bird.
Fred the bird. Serenading the street lamp.
Well never mind. I'm awake and yesterday's headache is blissfully under control.
So, when I've finished this cup of coffee I'll have a shower, maybe go and buy a paper, but above all else my day's aim and objectives are simple.
No distractions. Writing.
I shall be very wordy today indeed. Ho yes!

Peace and love. :) xx

Meanwhile, rivers are angry again..

Threatening to burst banks. Powering through cities. We saw them yesterday, and the rain hasn't stopped.
'Bad weather' - I hope that's all the bad weather turns out to be, for all of us, this year.

Cuba

Today I'm transported.
I can think of no better cure for the harsh weather than two weeks in Cuba.
Not me. But two good people who deserve a holiday.
So I went looking, as you do, for the Buena Vista Social Club and found this clip:
Buena Vista Social Club - Chan Chan

I love this album.

If you haven't heard it, go out and buy it. Or buy it from Amazon:
Buena Vista Social Club

History, Eleven pm...

Well I'm conscious I haven't written anything for a few days. Lovely Katie's nominated me for President :D xx and my dear old mate Flo sent me a beautifully understated email, diplomatically telling me that the turnip I thought I'd bought was probably a swede.
As indeed it was. :D

So, I had never cooked a swede before, and contemplated the thought, while trying to peel it and chop it, that a swede is probably the most unlikely vegetable to be discovered.
It has no redeeming features. It looks vaguely like a bruised sulking potato. In fact I'd say a swede is probably the most morose, unappetising vegetable I've ever seen.
I mean really.
So, say you're a hunter-gatherer. First man to walk on these isles. You'd go foraging, wouldn't you? You'd check out fruit and berries, yes? You'd try nibbling stuff to see if it's edible, right?
But you wouldn't do that to a swede. You'd be more likely to trip over it than pick it up. It's heavy. Thick-skinned. And - well kind of resentful.
It looks like a surly vegetable.
It looks knocked about and hard and bitter.
A vegetable 'from the wrong side of the tracks'.
If you didn't break all your teeth trying to nibble it, you'd carry it home like a boulder.

Okay I know it's a root not a vegetable.
But it's a very grumpy root.
... See a potato above ground, being early man, you'd bite it and know immediately it was food.
But you can't bite a swede.
And you don't know what fire is, (being early man) so you couldn't boil it either.
No way of knowing then.
If I was early man, foraging, I'd definitely pass it by. It's so hard it looks downright belligerent.

Tasted nice though.

Eventually.

No turnip...

I didn't cook it.
Or the broccoli, or potatoes. Or the carrots.
I'm pulling out of a rough patch though.

One year,

many years ago, it snowed, then froze, then snowed again. The village was just deep with it. I walked our dog through a sheet of snow to the woods.
Silence.
The snow creaked deeply underfoot, but every other sound was stilled.
Great flakes the size of pennies were falling. We were new there, at that moment, and the landscape was so hushed, so white, so beautiful.
Robert Frost's poem catches the feeling. And more.

Robert Frost, '... Woods on a Snowy Evening'

I love this poem:

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
(by Robert Frost 1874-1963)

Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

A Turnip

Well I think it is.
I bought it.
And broccoli. Two baking potatoes.
Oh and carrots.
All fresh.

And the steak and kidney pie in shortcrust pastry will be delicious. I would have bought a steak and kidney pudding but they didn't have a pudding on the shelf.
... Sorry Jules but they are lovely. :D

I've been away and I'm not back yet

- which is easier than saying 'This is a low.'
It's also more descriptive.

Voices, Mental Health Practice, November 2007:

This is the article I submitted to Mental Health Practice on Friday, 28th September 2007. The next day we all read the news about Mrs Beryl Brazier. This must not be allowed to happen again. Ever.

I’ve been given a book to write.
For a time, we lost control of our finances.
So creditors ‘passed us’ to Debt Collection Agencies, and their ‘communications’ with us will form the body of the story.

There will be heroes and villains. Double-dealing, duplicitous companies.
Misinformation, misrepresentation, a swamp of alligators and assorted miscellaneous rats, slugs, and subterranean mud suckers.

Sounds a bit crazy, doesn’t it? Surely life’s not like that?
The prescribed ideal would be that I wake from a harrowing dream, to discover that Dorothy hadn’t left Kansas after all. Because otherwise…
Am I paranoid? Is this a ‘conspiracy theory’?
No. Neither. And as the saying goes, just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

Banks form an elite, operating above and behind us, making deals as impossible to understand as the stars in the night sky.
In all other walks of life, ‘credit’ is an affirmation. In banking, ‘credit’ is debt.
Banks sell products. Former ‘Friendly Societies’ are filled with rottweilers. Former ‘Mutual Trusts’ are no longer mutual, and there is nothing to trust.
Banks are now filled with salesmen, keen for people to buy products, equally keen to drop customers who fall behind. Drop them like hot potatoes, sacks from a hot air balloon.

‘Agencies’ buy debt, like lucky bags at the corner shop. They’re worth very little, although they cost much more to you. To a Debt Collector, they’re Santa Bags from Never-Never Land.
What these Agencies want, above all, is a pliable, unquestioning customer. One who is at the very edge of reason, deeply distressed, anxious, sleepless, out of their minds with worry, convinced they are worthless, deeply ashamed of their debts. Then they only need a small push.
The Law’s an interesting thing. We wouldn’t have known without seeing it ourselves, that there are people in offices working to produce letters inferring the most appalling consequences should you fail to comply in any way they deem acceptable. Truth is malleable, apparently.

We have been given an insight into the underbelly of the financial world. It’s a ‘tricksy’ place, as Gollum might say, fuelled by hostility and greed, spite, invective, harassment and naked aggression. A war of attrition, fought by ‘breaking down’ the victim. And the true savagery is saved not for people like us, but for those who are least able to defend themselves. Pensioners, living alone. Single parents, the disabled, the mentally ill.

You must understand that there are malefactors in the financial community who will treat a person as less than human. Somehow they convince themselves that their actions are morally just. They are not.
They dehumanise first, then they intimidate. They claim to work best on the phone. This is because they bully and threaten more easily that way. They seek reactions from their victims – some even laugh down the phone at people in tears. Their calls never stop.
These Agencies pride themselves in overtly legitimate presentation, but covertly destroy human lives. Their aim is to devalue and demean. Close to suicide from their harassment? Job done. Time to cash cheques on their bullying, and quite possibly your sanity.

Most ordinary members of society tend to want to trust. But half-truths and inferences are used to hurt vulnerable people. And one other miserable truth works amongst us: that some people like to abuse trust.
Decency is something they remove at the office doors. Compassion can be ‘used’ to achieve their goals.
But it’s a cold compassion, like the wind on a bare mountain.

Society, now more than ever, has several tiers. And there is another level below poverty. Oblique poverty, hiding behind skewed statistics.
Be aware of it. Understand the depth of distress it causes. Never underestimate its power. Depression wears a dark cloak. It often walks disguised. Debt is one of society’s darkest secrets. It holds the hand of illness. ‘Credit’ – in its base financial form – is a broken crutch, simultaneously appeasing and causing terrible despair.
You are whiskers away from knowing it yourself.
This isn’t fiction. It isn’t fantasy. It isn’t mental illness. It is the flipside of life. sold on credit. And it is very, very real.
***

Alison Anthony

'So many worlds...' - Tennyson

'So many worlds, so much to do, so little done, such things to be.'
Alfred Lord Tennyson

The bin fell over..

from the force of the wind tonight. And I don't know where it got in, but there was a sudden shrieking gale in the house too. Ooer!!
Then, when I donned my jacket to check the roof, it was snowing. Great big ploppy snowflakes. Not the settling kind.
Anyway, the roof's intact. :)

Why I like Government:

I particularly like Alistair Darling. See previous two posts.
He's my hero for the day. :)
The elderly will die of hypothermia in their own homes, because they can't afford heating. It's been this way for decades now.
"Do I buy food? Or turn the fire on?" People shouldn't need to face such a dilemma, but they do, every day.

Anyway, Alistair Darling's on the case. He'll sort it out, I hope.

Darling seeks energy cost talks

From here:
BBC News

BBC NEWS
Darling seeks energy cost talks
Chancellor Alistair Darling has asked to meet with energy regulator Ofgem to discuss last week's gas and electricity price rises by Npower.

In a letter to Ofgem, Mr Darling said he wanted to review the reasons behind the price rises and their implications.

Npower, which has increased average gas prices by 17.2% and electricity by 12.7%, expects rivals to follow suit.

The company, the UK's fourth-largest energy supplier, blamed the price rises on soaring wholesale costs.

Record oil costs

Wholesale energy prices have risen by 66% for electricity and 60% for gas since last year, said Npower, which has four million UK customers.



In the letter to Ofgem, Mr Darling wrote: "I would be interested in receiving your assessment of gas and electricity supply and market conditions both in the UK and Europe and likely future trends.

"I would be particularly interested in your views on the relationship between wholesale price movements and feed-through to domestic retail prices."

Analysts say wholesale gas prices have risen on the back of the record cost of oil, as any increase in the price of crude has a knock-on effect on gas.

Wholesale gas prices in the UK are also said to have been driven higher by the growing number of energy firms on the continent turning to the more liberalised UK market for cheaper supplies.

Price comparison website uSwitch has agreed with Npower that it is only a matter of time before rivals put up their own prices.

Gas accounts for 40% of electricity production in the UK.
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/business/7174507.stm

Published: 2008/01/07 09:56:11 GMT

© BBC MMVIII

Fuel poverty 'claims 1.7m extra' BBC

From here:
BBC News

BBC NEWS
Fuel poverty 'claims 1.7m extra'
More than 1.7 million households have become "fuel poor" since 2003 as a result of rising bills, the Energy Efficiency Partnership for Homes said.

Overall three million households spend more than 10% of their income on electricity and gas - the definition of fuel poverty, the group said.

In 2001 the government said it wanted to eradicate fuel poverty by 2016.

But massive increases in energy prices have led to a surge in the number of people struggling to make ends meet.

'Unenviable choice'
For thousands of people, the prospect of a warm and comfortable home is now a luxury that they cannot afford
Nicholas Doyle

The Partnership - a group of 700 industry bodies - said that utility companies and the government have failed to tackle fuel poverty effectively.

Rises of 40% in electricity prices and 61% in gas prices between 2003 and 2006 had pushed an extra 1.73 million households into fuel poverty, it added.

"For thousands of people, the prospect of a warm and comfortable home is now a luxury that they cannot afford," Nicholas Doyle, a spokesman for the partnership said.

"The stark reality is that many people from low-income backgrounds are now faced with the unenviable choice of deciding whether to heat their homes or provide for their family," he added.

The Partnership concluded that £14bn would now have to be spent if the government was to reach its target of eradicating fuel poverty within the next 10 years.

However, of late, energy prices have been falling.

Four out of the UK's six biggest energy providers have recently announced price cuts.

Industry spokeswomen Nicola Bowles told the BBC: "Energy suppliers have voluntarily spent hundreds of millions of pounds on tackling fuel poverty. We are committed to supporting the Government meet its targets."
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/business/6467593.stm

Published: 2007/03/19 17:37:21 GMT

© BBC MMVIII

Dear Yoko,

Today you took out a full-page advert in the Sunday Times, completely white with a thin border, centred two words:
"IMAGINE PEACE"

- and at the bottom wrote:
"love, yoko ono
www.IMAGINEPEACE.com"

That's a lot of white space you paid for. Must have cost a fortune. Why?
Is there a day where people don't imagine peace??

What haunts me..

is the thought of that woman and child escaping through a window of the burning church. Just three years old. One of the arsonists took and threw the child back in.
That isn't protest. It isn't a fight for democracy. It's murder.

Nearly in the woods...

It was a beautiful - bright blue, crisp - sunny morning, a little frost on the ground. I walked round the village for no other purpose than to walk round the village. It was small-scale walking, but it felt great! Saw my first flower of the year, bright yellow in the hedgerow. I nearly turned down the path that leads to the woods, but decided against it.. probably the right decision, as the limp returned for the last stage home. But still - huge progress! Legs are great things. You just don't realise until you can't use them properly. Well, happily, the old flapping foot seems consigned to last year. We are both better than we were. I shall go to the woods tomorrow. I missed the bluebells last year.

2008 Hello-ooo!!

Yes it's 7.15pm, it's Friday night and it's Crackerjack!!
...
Alright I'm showing my age.

I am blogging quietly as I'm losing my voice.
Hello world! (croak)
Hello to Lady in the Red. :D xx
Hello to Jules and co. and Whitby, which has probably had some snow - which I hope you photographed as per the picture. Global warming being the way it is. May not snow by the time I start coming down t'hill with books under arm.
And to all others.. Hola!! :D

Right here, right now, apart from voice loss and flu virus, and hubby leaving the house in wind and rain, the home year started pretty damn good I'd say. Bit grumpy but it's just a grumpy bug, and will pass.

Too much Eastenders maybe. Grim.
Hot toddies aplenty - excellent for sore throats!

There's a product called First Defence spray - basically you squirt it up your nose for protection from airborne viruses. It's really very good, although it does feel like a sudden blast with a bunsen burner.

Oh and being grumpy, I take great offence at the psychobabble from the Director of Communications for one of the major energy suppliers on local TV tonight.
Asked about the MASSIVE increase on their energy prices, said:
“Yes that is very concerning, isn’t it.”

... Well if you're that bloody concerned don't increase the prices, sonny!
I think it's kind of media manipulation, stating the bleeding obvious.
... Crikey, I think it's an assertiveness skill...
Well I'm onto you!!

.. I do believe it's the very energy supplier whose sales reps we chased down the street. That is, not our supplier.
But I don't care, it's still a pile of poo. Pile o'Poo Energy, I'll call it.

Anyway, off to soapland. :)

Sudden Resolve...

Yes, I did it!
Now, I'm not going to make a big thing of this (as in the past making a big thing of it has let me down), but I haven't smoked for 36 hours now. I am a non smoker.
Me. I don't smoke. Nope. Ne rien. No regrets.
Evidence of my former smoky life are all around. I will not put them away, just yet. Putting them away has been a trigger to start again in the past. I'm avoiding triggers.
And yet... the strangest thing is, yesterday I really really stopped, and I know I won't start again. You see, I figured it out.
It's all about grief.

Now you can tell me all about the physical withdrawal, but I know from experience it's not that bad. In any case, you can feed the nicotine gremlin with nicotine gum, if necessary. It's not nicotine that keeps you smoking, it's the sense of loss.

I've smoked since age 14 - possibly earlier. It was an act of defiance, independence... entirely psychological. And it's been that way ever since.
I gave up with hypnosis years and years ago, but it didn't work. I've even had acupuncture. i actually gave up for six months but started again in hospital. Bizarre but true. It was a conscious decision. I made myself smoke again. And smoking on a psychiatric unit... not nice. But I felt trapped, and smoking felt necessary.

I could count all the years I've smoked and tell you, categorically, that yesterday's revelation was

Happy New Year..

.. and by way of a parting shot from 2007, we both have wretched colds.
Well c'est la vie!
Am away now to join hubby to drink ourselves into the New Year, with love to everybody.
...
Apart from DCAs. Wake up and do something decent with your lives!!

Otherwise, love to all. Peace and Goodwill. :)
xxx

Free Floating

It's been quite a year. Quite a year.

Notwithstanding the year it's been...

Having built up the worry of Christmas and wondering why I was so worried and finally realising, last night, that I was in fact worrying about a vague, nagging worry that the thing I should be worried about was hiding from me..
And having remembered from all those years ago that the term 'free floating anxiety' actually, literally applied to me..
and that therefore the greatest fear was fear itself
I hit upon the solution.

This is the solution.
There's some good stuff on the telly.
And tomorrow, when hubby gets home from work, he'll sleep as I -
you may call me Superchef Ali, for one day only -
with musical accompaniment by two cats, I shall cook a turkey.

Ho yes. :)

That's it.
That's it? No more worrying?
Nope. If I feel the slightest vague alarm between now and midnight tomorrow, I shall pickle said alarm in alcohol.

So, having realised that the cure to this persistent, chronic anxiety is to let it go, let it go, the the bugger float away.. all that's left for me is to wish you -
All the people I care about -
A Very Merry Christmas.

Much love esp. to Whitby. :) xx

Don't Forget

Beryl Brazier.
Jessica Looke.

Loan APR at 2.6 million per cent

BBC News

The Money Markets Looking Grim...

Debt Fears push sterling to 20 month low says the Telegraph.

Well. We-ell.
Here's some holly:
Jingle Bells indeed.

... I'd just like to point out that nobody gave the Farepak customers their money back.
Bit rich, isn't it?
Billions and billions to a Bank doing some very dodgy dealing, one penny in the pound to people who'd been properly saving for Christmas.

May the New Year bring a conscience back to Banks. Or failing that, may the Government do it instead. Banks need a leash. They get into all kinds of trouble.
Here's some more holly...

Advent Calendar!!

... Because I keep forgetting to look!
Where does time go?
21st... Winter Solstice...

Doesn't that Santa look like...

This chap?
Here's the 'Jolly Sailor' from Skegness

And here's...

St. Nicholas in the Forest with Holly, from here
It's from an early German postcard. Thanks to that website and I promise I won't be embroidering any dolls. :D
Rather nice, though? Also pre-1933 I think. Pre Haddon Sundblom. Pre Coca Cola?
I think so. :)

Why Christmas?

It's grim and dark this time of year. Days are short and cold. Heat and light indoors are comparatively recent. That's enough of a reason for a party, I'd say.
Today, the 21st, is Winter Solstice.

London Snow, by Robert Bridges

- because I love this poem:

London Snow

by Robert Bridges


When men were all asleep the snow came flying,
In large white flakes falling on the city brown,
Stealthily and perpetually settling and loosely lying,
Hushing the latest traffic of the drowsy town;
Deadening, muffling, stifling its murmurs failing;
Lazily and incessantly floating down and down:
Silently sifting and veiling road, roof and railing;
Hiding difference, making unevenness even,
Into angles and crevices softly drifting and sailing.
All night it fell, and when full inches seven
It lay in the depth of its uncompacted lightness,
The clouds blew off from a high and frosty heaven;
And all woke earlier for the unaccustomed brightness
Of the winter dawning, the strange unheavenly glare:
The eye marvelled - marvelled at the dazzling whiteness;
The ear hearkened to the stillness of the solemn air;
No sound of wheel rumbling nor of foot falling,
And the busy morning cries came thin and spare.
Then boys I heard, as they went to school, calling,
They gathered up the crystal manna to freeze
Their tongues with tasting, their hands with snowballing;
Or rioted in a drift, plunging up to the knees;
Or peering up from under the white-mossed wonder!'
'O look at the trees!' they cried, 'O look at the trees!'
With lessened load a few carts creak and blunder,
Following along the white deserted way,
A country company long dispersed asunder:
When now already the sun, in pale display
Standing by Paul's high dome, spread forth below
His sparkling beams, and awoke the stir of the day.
For now doors open, and war is waged with the snow;
And trains of sombre men, past tale of number,
Tread long brown paths, as toward their toil they go:
But even for them awhile no cares encumber
Their minds diverted; the daily word is unspoken,
The daily thoughts of labour and sorrow slumber
At the sight of the beauty that greets them, for the charm they have broken.

The day the earth shook - a bit.

A few years ago there was an earthquake, epicicentre somewhere near Derby. I remember it well. People over the road thought their boiler had exploded. Everyone ran into the street, confused. It was a tremor by the time it reached us, but enough to knock out the power and leave us wondering if our houses were falling down.
The reason I remember it best however, was the account of an old man who'd gone to his potting shed for a smoke. He said that when the earth shook, he opened the potting shed door, only to meet his wife hurrying into the garden. Her first words to him were:
"What have you done?"
Heh :D

Do you feel the cold?

You know the cold I mean? The kind of cold that rises from the ground through the soles of your feet?
Some people know this cold better than others.
If you're not sure who exactly, then just try sitting on a pavement for thirty minutes.
Or spend the night outside in a damp sleeping bag, and wake up without a penny in your pocket. Find a day centre, see if someone will give you a hot drink or something to eat. Somewhere to be warm for a few hours. You'll be lucky if you can.
And why not stretch it out another day? Dread another damp, freezing night outside. Walk the streets, Christmas glitter and excitement all around you, a world that you're not part of. Know who I mean yet?
How hungry will you be before you start checking the litter bins for food that's thrown away? And what does cold water from a tap taste like when your body's as cold as the pavements?

Homelessness hasn't gone away. Yesterday, over on my Fight Debt Page I linked to an article about a man whose debt had forced him into bankruptcy, and now he's homeless. Attention was drawn to him accidentally. He got deeper and deeper into debt, trying to get out of debt. That's what happens. People drift down into homelessness, and once they reach it, it's hard to get out of.
Crisis is campaigning, and working to help the homeless get back their lives.
They're here
And here's one of their photos
Here's another
And another
Do you feel the cold?
Help them feel a little warmer.

Not yet...

Alison Anthony politics.
Fickle and wayward and menopausal.
The Tory Party, which has a pretty dire legacy (remember the 1980s?) may be trying to move into a new kind of politics, or they may be seeking votes.
Hmm...
Take a tank. A big grey tank. Cover it in moss. Put some soil on the roof.
It's still a tank. A big grey tank. And they're not exactly friendly, are they?

One removed from my hero list. For now.

Oscar Wilde, twice gold...

I'm going white. Or silver, I think. Which made me think of Oscar Wilde:
Great quote - love Wilde, genius man.
But I've been looking...
Which came first, 'The Importance of Being Earnest' or 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'?
Because the line's in both of them.
Dorian Gray's the longer quote:
"... Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary. When her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief."

Cameron urges lenders to ease mortgage pain

Nice one, Mr Cameron. Just noticed this.

Banks used to be 'socially responsible', you know?
They need some reminding.
They started playing bulls and bears with peoples' lives.
They kind of forgot about people.
People don't care about bulls. Unless they walk into a field with one chomping on buttercups. Time to tiptoe back out of the field.
And bears?
Can't say I've ever met one.

OFT and the Rogue DCAs...

Hurrah!!! :D
Read this
Double hurrah!!!

Hero Count today now stands at 7:
No. 6 is the Office of Fair Trading, as above...
and Credit Today, for publishing the news on their Web Page!
Well done! :D
Hurrah!!!
Well done Government!!! :D
Mr Cameron, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. For now.

Oscar Wilde

Many thanks to the author of this page for providing me with some wonderful Oscar Wilde quotes.
And also here.
I thought it was in 'The Importance of Being Earnest', but the quote's from 'The Picture of Dorian Gray:

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary. When herthird husband
died, her hair turned quite gold from grief.

Eastenders...

A cheery programme indeed. Shall I write the script? Does anyone not yet realise that Billy's going to raid the charity box?

PS: No-one's yet questioned the 'Ian Beale captive in a tin-lined flat for weeks' on the show itself...
But that answers it really. It's a show. A spectacle. Spectacularly full of air. And dreadful grim viewing.
A hot air balloon is also a spectacle. But at least it's pretty.

Another Hero...

The Information Commissioner.
Data's currently getting lost everywhere.
I am you are he is she is they are they were they're not he could be was I? Who are you? Where are we? Ahh, floating in the bitbyte ether.
While companies and offices and who knows what else have laid waste our identities, the Information Commissioner is trying to sort it all out, get it all back to us. And he will.

Heroes Today:

Well the morning's full of heroes. :D
Hero 1. Vince Cable believes that Northern Rock should be nationalised. Why isn't he going to be the permanent Lib Dem leader? He obviously should be.
Hero 2. Sir Suma Chakrabarti KCB, is Permanent Secretary of the Ministry of Justice. Excellent.
Hero 3. Archbishop of York. Not just for cutting up his dog collar, but because I think he is an extremely good man. He could change things. He's more than a hero.

"Archbishop makes Zimbabwe protest"

The Archbishop of York has cut up his dog collar and said he will not replace it until Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe is out of office.
Dr John Sentamu made the symbolic protest gesture live on BBC One's Andrew Marr Show.
He said Mr Mugabe had "taken people's identity" and "cut it to pieces", prompting him to do the same.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown has boycotted an EU-Africa summit because of Mr Mugabe's presence.
As far as I'm concerned, from now on I'm not going to wear a dog collar until Mugabe is gone
Although Mr Mugabe is banned from the EU, African leaders demanded the Zimbabwean leader be invited to attend the event in Portugal.
Ahead of the summit, the African Union chairman, Ghanaian President John Kufuor, said it was right to invite Mr Mugabe.
"Africa is made up of 54 nations, sovereign states, and I don't think any of us has the right to exclude another," Mr Kufuor told the BBC.
He added: "All the presidents of Africa were invited to this summit because we see it as a meeting of two continents, Europe and Africa.
"If we allow anyone - I wouldn't say even a nation, but an individual, whatever we think of him - to be a stumbling block then I say it's unfortunate."
The summit is being used to agree joint policy aims in areas such as security, development and good governance.
Dr Sentamu - who has been a consistent critic of Mr Mugabe's regime - said the international community, especially South Africa, had to act to help Zimbabwe because people were starving.
Speaking as he used a pair of scissors to cut up his collar, he said: "As an Anglican this is what I wear to identify myself, that I'm a clergyman.
African leaders
"Do you know what Mugabe has done? He's taken people's identity and literally, if you don't mind, cut it to pieces. This is what he's actually done to a lot of - and in the end there's nothing.
"So, as far as I'm concerned, from now on I'm not going to wear a dog collar until Mugabe is gone."
The archbishop said power had gone to the Zimbabwean president's head and the leader did not seem to "realise the suffering of people".
German Chancellor Angela Merkel said Mr Mugabe's policies had "damaged Africa".
Dr Sentamu praised the German chancellor's criticism of Mr Mugabe.
Ahead of the Lisbon summit, key former Portuguese colonies in Africa, including the large and oil-rich nation of Angola, made it clear to Portugal, that they wanted Mr Mugabe to attend.
Some African leaders see Mr Mugabe as an historically important colleague and object to the idea former colonial powers, such as the UK, intervening in African politics.
'World community'
But Dr Sentamu hit out at African leaders for not taking a stand against him.
"It is African leaders who seem to say 'we are backing a revolutionary'. I'm sorry, that is a lot of nonsense. They ought to realise what he has actually done.
"It has become a scourge on the conscience of the whole of world."
"Why aren't we, as a world community, uniting against Mugabe?" he asked.
Zimbabwe's economy is currently enduring a severe economic downturn.
Only one in five of Zimbabwe's adult population has a job and basic items such as bread, sugar, petrol are often not available in local shops.

Couldn't the rest of the UK clergy do the same??

Archbishop of York - Dog Collar Protest here:

John Tucker Mugabi Sentamu, Archbishop of York - BBC Sunday 9th December

He took off his dog-collar

and cut it up.
Piece by piece. He said something like:
"This is what's happening to the people of Zimbabwe."
"This is what's happening to their human rights."
In other words, they don't have any.

The Archbishop of York

I love him!! :D
What an incredible gesture!!
Absolutely brilliant.
Hopefully what he did will be on the news soon.
I looked at the Andrew Marr site, but it seems like the most important part of the Andrew Marr show is ... Andrew Marr?
Update - thank you BBC.

If this weren't so serious...

Revealed: how UK banks exploit charity tax laws
£234bn of mortgages put in trusts supposedly for the benefit of good causes


... except it is.

PS Jules...

you're quite right. You didn't say I should be writing romantic fiction. Mea culpa. :) xx

But you know romantic 'short book' type writers make an awful lot of money. I just can't do it. Deary me no. But that wasn't what you were saying and I understand.

Behind me, spread across the desk, are a pile of letters that I spent much of last week sifting through, writing two drafts of long letter to a bank you and I both remember as a much less sales-oriented institution, back in the days when banks were trustworthy.
I wrote some more yesterday, copied and pasted both, and then put it down. Tonight I'm going to put it all away and clear space for the book.

Seen the photos

in the article - on the MHP website

Seen the photos

in the article - on the MHP website - before seeing the magazine. Grounds looked wonderful. I look pretty wide - am hoping it's the monitor. Gah.
Anyhow, look at the grounds! Beautiful. Incredible Autumn day.
Have today written to the local Land Registry for confirmation (spoke to them last week) that the incredibly intrusive letter (remember the inference that we don't live here, in our house?) was a ploy, they never received such an application.
A little bit of the old 'juddernerve' fancy footwork employed by those all-singing all-intimidating gangs of rogues over on my Fight Debt Page. Sheesh.

Smoke and mirrors. Be sure their actions will come back to bite them on the bum. It's happening already.

CAFOD
Emergency food pack. Seeds and tools. Home starter pack.

In 1984, remember the Live Aid single? Everybody got Live Aid singles. We raffled the turkey that came with our new gas cooker at the local butcher's shop. All the money we raised, we spent on further copies of the single, then handed them back for re-sale. That was a good Christmas present too.
For a fiver per person this year, we could have bought nick-nacks, chocolates, cheap booze.
Instead our joint family has given emergency food packs, seeds, tools and home starter packs for people who really need them. It feels bloody great, and I'll wrestle any family member who grumbles about it on Boxing Day!
Oh all right I won't.
They won't grumble.
Best not, if I'm as wide as that photograph!! :D

Santa - Sorted - CAFOD

Best gifts. Very happy. Santa's sorted.
Per family group. Something for families on the other side of the world. That's better!
Now if we can get the fluorescent Santa from the attic, all's well :D

Online Advent Calendar

On the first day of Christmas we hadn't got a bean...
On Saturday (1st December) we were oppressed by the thought that we couldn't afford presents for family, and talking Christmas thus far has meant 'talking turkey' with relatives. That is, boldly stating that we were skint, broke, missing moolah, gotnodosh etc. Enough to live on, not enough to buy presents.
How do you explain that to kids?
Happy to announce that we don't need to pluck holly from holly-bushes and wrap it in Christmas paper after all. (NB: We've never done that but came close this year!)
We've enough to buy small presents anyway. Little things. The children in our family are nephews and nieces, and their children. We're therefore distant gift-givers anyway, but that's not the point. Plus we still see nephews and nieces as youngsters, even though they're fully-fledged adults, so it's still important. To them, we distant ones provide a second's interest, before their attention returns to more important family gifts. Thoughts of us rest in the time it takes to unwrap a present. That's life. C'est la vie.
Anyway, point is, we're back in the £5 or under gift range and that'll do.
Tins of biscuits or chocolates for parents, something vaguely interesting for kids.
It's quite a painful time for us, not having children. But less painful than it used to be. We wish all well. We have a fluorescent Santa which is really rather groovy and a lit 'Merry Christmas' sign to stick in the kitchen window. We don't seek to avoid the season in the way we used to - since the nightmare 'coach tour' of several years ago. We're actually quite content. Christmas comes and it goes. Pain of miscarriage never recedes, but growing older, you learn to enjoy having less responsibilities.
I do resent Christmas retail starting in October though. And right through November it annoys the hell out of me. But come December it's okay.
Hence my enjoyment of the online Advent Calendar above.
I love Christmas Carols. Handel's Messiah - wonderful. Sit me down with Gregorian Chants and I'm immediately at peace. Telly's okay. If we're drunk enough we'll salute the Queen's Speech. ET is sure to be on. And It's a Wonderful Life... You can't fight these things. :)

So, presents limit at five pounds. Hmm...

Heroes of the Day...

Baroness Sayeeda Warsi and Lord Nazir Ahmed, for negotiating the release of Gillian Gibbons. Pardoned teddy teacher 'sorry' for distress
It's a terrible shame that a teacher whose only intention was to help people, should have been through such a terrifying experience. She made an innocent mistake. I hope she'll be on a plane home soon. :)

And so...

Update on Gillian Gibbons here
It's looking hopeful. I hope.

Again, it's World AIDS day.

...

Maybe they've found the Yeti - again - on Everest.
And the Government's in a bit of a pickle.
More CD-ROMS chock-full of everybody's data missing.
They're scouring the tips now. That's reassuring.
Watched a film about a comet hitting earth tonight on Channel 5.

It's World AIDS day.

World AIDS Day

UNAIDS - Uniting the World Against AIDS
BBC News - The Biology of AIDS

I didn't think

I'd write another book. Not now. As my mate Jules rightly points out, I should be writing shorter pieces, getting them out there.
I could write romances. Well theoretically anyway. I just don't like romantic fiction.

I'm still a tomboy at heart, I'd still be climbing trees, not just admiring them. Watch out neighbours, that menopausal middle-aged woman sitting up a tree might indeed be yours truly.

Horror - no, they just give me nightmares. I don't need any more nightmares.
Science fiction? No. We're living a lot of it already.
So here I am. Here I am.

You could say I'm about to spill the beans on banks but no, their beans are cascading everywhere anyway. So many spilled beans.

Nor am I writing any kind of narrative for other people. Not because I don't think they deserve a voice - I think they have that voice already. Power to them - seriously.

But I need to write about this past year and what it did to us.
I'll be writing other things as well.

Now in jail...

Distressing.

I've been assured

UK teacher due before Sudan court

I quote:

A British teacher charged in Sudan with insulting religion, inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs is due to appear in court later.

Gillian Gibbons, 54, from Liverpool, will appear at a court in Khartoum and, if convicted, could face a prison sentence, a fine or 40 lashes.

She was arrested in Khartoum after allowing her class of primary school pupils to name a teddy bear Muhammad.

The UK is seeking an urgent meeting with the Sudanese ambassador in London.

Foreign Secretary David Miliband has said he will summon the Sudanese ambassador "as a matter of urgency".

In a statement, Prime Minister Gordon Brown said he was "surprised and disappointed" that the teacher had been charged following blasphemy claims.

A spokesman said the first step was to "understand the rationale behind the charge", something which would be discussed by Mr Miliband and the ambassador as soon as possible.

"We will consider our response in the light of that," he added.

Sudanese state media said prosecutors had completed their investigation and decided to charge Mrs Gibbons under Article 125 of the Sudanese criminal code.

The Muslim Council of Britain reacted angrily to the news, saying it was "appalled" and demanded Mrs Gibbons' immediate release.

"This is a disgraceful decision and defies common sense. There was clearly no intention on the part of the teacher to deliberately insult the Islamic faith," said Secretary-General Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari, in a strongly-worded statement.

"We call upon the Sudanese President, Omar al-Bashir, to intervene in this case without delay to ensure that Ms Gibbons is freed from this quite shameful ordeal," said Dr Bari.

Earlier, the Sudanese Embassy in London had said the situation was a "storm in a teacup" and signalled that the teacher could be released soon, attributing the incident to a cultural misunderstanding.

But Sudan's top clerics have called for the full measure of the law to be used against Mrs Gibbons and labelled her actions part of a Western plot against Islam.

Mrs Gibbons was arrested on Sunday after several parents made complaints to Sudan's Ministry of Education.

One day, maybe, we'll all stop hating each other?

Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre

Click on the link above. Says it all really.

One more poem...

Walt Whitman, then I shall go to bed and sleep...

When I heard the Learn'd Astronomer
By Walt Whitman

When I heard the learn'd astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in
columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to
add, divide, and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he
lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to
time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

'Capturing Mary'

I saw the beginning several weeks ago. Tonight I saw the end. Hopefully they'll repeat it when I can watch it right through. Because I really want to watch it through.

Cranford - brilliant!

- more of the same please, BBC. :)

Epitaph on an Unfortunate Artist

A poem by Robert Graves

He found a formula for drawing comic rabbits:
This formula for drawing comic rabbits paid,
So in the end he could not change the tragic habits
This formula for drawing comic rabbits made.

Here's the Deal...

I'm conked out. Keeping heads above water is a terrible draining thing. But we're coping okay. Things will be fine, in fact they are fine, but the most I can manage is this.
Too weak to fight any more battles, write any serious letters, say much of anything.
Walking better, back's improving, Bob's regaining health and vigour. Maybe a day in Derbyshire tomorrow.
Dovedale would be nice.
Very good this time of year.
We'll see.
Long while since we've been there - it'd be nice. :) Weak smile.
Off to watch telly, drink a little wine and chill with my man. Good stuff :) xx

'I Think It's Gonna Rain Today...'

Random thoughts.
"I Think It's Gonna Rain Today..."
Lyrics by Randy Newman, sung by Nina Simone. Worth seeking out.
Bangladesh cyclone, the quote from Solaiman Palash, living in the area (in the last but one post), very moving. Very shaming. Western society - very shaming.
Polly Toynbee writing 13th November in the Guardian on the victims of the Farepak scandal, here Worth reading.

Bought a new jacket for the hot water tank. Just under £12. Cats not allowed in the airing cupboard in future, as last insulating jacket on the hot water tank was shredded by them.
Chipboard is economically priced. Just under 6 quid for a long piece of it. This is good. When they built this house, they under-fitted the chipboard flooring - really quite a hotchpotch. Doesn't go under the skirting board... doesn't really fit very well. But 6 quid - maybe four or five lengths - would re-floor a room. Then carpet. Plus cheap delivery. We could do that.
Had a wonderful veggie casserole today. Lovely. Fell asleep on the settee.
I should be writing to banks, but today I just don't care. A hot bath sounds nice.
Hubby's walking better. My back's easing.
You should hear Nina singing that song.
I have in mind the beginning of TS Eliot's 'The Hollow Men' - I'll put it on the Fight Debt Page. Very descriptive I think, of a certain 'trade association'. But maybe tomorrow.
I heard they've lost another 6 discs of information about everybody. I'm in no mood to harrumph. But it does seem reckless. Did they check the back of the filing cabinets?
Information eh... 1998 was a very rough year for us. Terrible miscarriage, dog died a few weeks later. We were driving a very battered old car. I wouldn't have remembered the year or as many details, but for the 'marketing information' - apparently available to companies at a price - provided to me by a credit reference agency. But I think that's going in the book.
As is the conduct of quite a few debt collection agencies and the banks who introduced us to them. But again, that's for another page, another day.
I'm only half awake. I blame too much central heating on what was a very cold day. And the great veg casserole.

I Think It's Gonna Rain Today...

Lyrics by Randy Newman, sung by Nina Simone.
Bangladesh cyclone, the quote from someone living in the area in the last but one post, very moving. Very shaming.
Polly Toynbee writing 13th November in the Guardian on the victims of the Farepak scandal, here

I Think It's Gonna Rain Today...

Nina Simone.

Just a note..

To say that tomorrow I start writing in earnest. :)

'The most devastating storm of our lives' BBC News

An extract from the BBC's article, which begins:
'Cyclone Sidr has killed more than 3,000 people in Bangladesh and has left millions homeless.
Although rescue teams have reached most of the areas affected, many survivors are still short of food and water.
Here, people in Bangladesh describe the effect the cyclone is having on rural communities.'

"SOLAIMAN PALASH, DHAKA
Sidr is still hunting us. This is the first time in three days that I'm able to sit in front of computer because of power cuts. We've never experienced such situation before.
Most of my relatives are living in Patukhali - one of the badly affected districts.
They experienced a terrible storm which uprooted most of the trees, ruined the paddy fields and damaged their homes. We were only able to see the wreckage last night on TV.
My grandparents live 76km away from the sea shore, yet they experienced what they said was the most devastating storm of their lives.
The communication is cut off. We can't go there from Dhaka because roads are blocked and there's no bus service.

Every year when there's a natural calamity, we collect aid - money and clothes, to send to affected people. We doing that this time as well."

Maybe 40 Billion Pounds...

Maybe 40 - at least 24 billion already. More than the stars you can see with the naked eye, more than the stars in the galaxies you imagine, has been loaned to a bank involved in some very dodgy deals... Very dodgy deals.
But they're a bank. A BANK. Honest guv'. A bank's not about people, is it? It's a money thing. A great big dastardly money thing. But it's business.
Oh that's all right then. Bail the buggers out.

Terrible things

are happening in the world, terrible things.
But my thoughts go back again and again to the tragic death of Beryl Brazier.
You can say it's only words, that words are cheap, but sometimes

I should be sleeping

but I'm not. The air blowing in from the one open window was arctic, so I shut it. With a nod to the makers of the original fridge, for thinking up the name 'Frigidaire' - because it's a great description. The air outside could keep your milk chilled.

So what's new? Extraordinary pain, eclipsing most other things. Which is quite a mood-lowerer, as the only place you want to be is lying horizontal. Being vertical just hurts. I see the doctor Thursday, if not before, as it can't go on like this.

Thankfully hubby's properly on the mend now, so he can do the dreaded outside wheelie bins, carry heavy things etc. The car's through it's MOT which is a relief.

In a couple of days I'll put some new links up on my Fight Debt Page, to the websites by campaigners for change. There's a lot of misinformation about.

Oh bugger that's enough. I'm terrible grumpy, you know? Terrible mean and moody. Just pain doing it. Am going to bed.

While I'm here,

I took these photos the other day. Looks like a new development doesn't it? Except it's not. Former asylum. In beautiful grounds. Extraordinary. On balance though, way too many ghosts for me.

Worrying..

Climate change - more and more worrying.

Head's too busy to relax just now. A stress-free day without pain would be good.
Meanwhile the house clutter increases.
Head clutter increases.

BBC - Climate Change

IPCC to warn of 'abrupt' warming

The Pot Gone

Yes not the pot frog of long past, but the pot on hubby's foot. Hurrah!
Well it's a weak and weary cheer I have to admit, because we're both conked out. It should have been a shorter hospital session, but after the plaster removal he was sent to another waiting room while I waited in the first waiting room waiting, with spare crutch and his shoe and sock hopefully in a carrier bag. I fell asleep twice, waiting. Then I went to look for him and he was waiting in the other waiting room. So then we waited, and a mercifully short time later he went to see the doctor who pinched his toes again and thankfully, this time it didn't hurt half as bad.
Two more weeks of sick leave, but he's going to feel a lot better now. It's not easy getting about with an encased leg. Better a leg encased in protective plaster than swollen like a rugby ball and agonising. And better still when the break's on the mend and the plaster's off.
So we went to the rather snazzy bistro cafe upstairs, had a bacon and brie baguette and large lattes...
I think this blog has become suddenly sibilant. If that's the word. I don't know. Am too tired to look it up.

What's the Deal with Beale?

Of Eastenders. Ian Beale.
What?
Held captive by estranged son and left in a flat - lined almost entirely with tin - to live on biscuits and water for at least 3 weeks...
What??
In a tin flat? Was he roped to the fire escape? Was he incapacitated by chains?
No.
So lets be clear. A grown man, left alone in a flat lined with tin, forced to eat biscuits to survive, in a tin flat - could not, after even 5 hours, break out?
What???
Instead, looking really quite clean, all things considered, he was hiding in the flat to jump on his son. Oh and he'd grown a beard.
Okay then.

Well I know it's all suspension of reality but good grief!

Then there's Ronnie'n'Roxy'Peggy and Peggy's debt.
Couple of weeks of drama-ish wondering about Peggy dire downturn.
Then Ronnie gets the money by gambling.
Eastenders - little bit cack about reality.

And tonight's high drama - violent, not sure where it's going, but did you notice Ian?
Steven - has kind of disappeared.
Didn't they suddenly have a dog the other week?
Where did the dog go?
Was it in the flat with Ian?
In the flat lined with tin?

My word, the script's shot through with holes. Lots of high drama, but nothing really clicking.

Also, we've been watching Jericho with the mounting disappointment of watching Lost.
Last week, a woman suddenly lost a jacket - quite suddenly in a white top.
What?
Was it really worth the effort of watching this far? It's just going weird and boring and disconnected. And terribly dull.

Meantime, last night I managed to stay awake for Monday night's soap sandwich - Corrie, Eastenders, Corrie, but then - oh bloody annoying - fell asleep at the beginning of 'Capturing Mary'. Which I really wanted to watch.
Bugger.

How do you not break out of a tin flat?
All manner of household implements.
Instead he grew a beard.
And I'm sure there was another child.. oh I don't know. Lost count.

Kicking Leaves

Caught the day great. By 'eck it looked lovely. Clear blue sky, the grounds full

Kicking Leaves

Caught the day great. By 'eck it looked lovely. Clear blue sky, the grounds full of memories - and incredibly beautiful. An old white cat came across to have his photograph taken. A white cat with no tail. Don't think it was another breed - just a tailless white cat. So I leaned awkwardly against a tree while the photographer crouched down maybe 10 yards away. And the cat walked between us, directly, from me to photographer and back again. Its owner came out thinking the photographer was taking photos of old white cat, and asked for copies. Heh! :D
The grounds are breathtaking. And there was the hospital, caught in the sunlight...
Bloody wonderful to walk in the grounds.
After the photo shoot, I walked around a second time. Took a few snaps with my handheld, kicked through several piles of golden leaves, met and fussed old white cat again... But on my second circuit, I reached the last bend of the hospital tired, looked back at the corner building and remembered...
How crap I used to feel seeing that building when I turned up for work. All those years of ambivalence. The ward just there was a very depressing place. And it didn't look that different. Ack.
So, having decided earlier that I'd definitely buy a place there when we win the lottery, the chill in the November day caught my bones and I thought 'Bugger, maybe not then...' Ambivalently.
The leaves were great though.
Anyway, we have an Abbey already on our lottery property list. Couple of listed buildings. Most of the Grand Canal in Venice and parts of Whitby harbour.

Am I Nervous?

.. Do I look nervous? Yikes..
I have a blouse with vertical stripes. The bit of extra hair can stay. I'm going to the place I've known all my life, in very different ways, to point at a tree. Which tree - I don't know. Plenty for the photographer to choose from.
I'm not nervous. Ho no, not me. Nerves of solid steel, me.
...
........
(quietly) (AGHHHHHHHH!!)

Yikes and Co..

Am I nervous? Do I look nervous? Me? Moi?
This writing lark

In Flanders Fields

(by John McCrae, May 1915)

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Before the Day...

Red Cross files reveal WWI cost

What does a poppy cost?

In Flanders Fields

(by John McCrae, May 1915)

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

And then there's..

Plus the splendid ice cream sundaes my mate Jules creates, followed by a clog dance at Whitby harbour... maybe the other way round, clog dance first before ice cream...
PS - the piccies are assorted biscuits and sherbet dips.

Who needs dosh, eh? We got Web, we can partay!! :D

Even without a dancing band...

Lady in the Red...

You were broke on the day of your discharge, and so was I.
You celebrated with a sherbet dip and five ginger nuts, and half a 'Yay!'
I thought so, as your 'Hurrah' was quiet on your Home Page.
But reading this post made me smile, as your writing alway does. :)

The sole of your shoe, and superglue...
Well now, we should have had a marching band that day. A most excellent dancing band.
Hmm...

Mardi Gras in Havana looks good,
Or Mardi Gras at the Superdome New Orleans...
Or just some Jazz! :D xx

A Little Calm...

and a little Pachelbel. It's that kind of day. A resting day.
Aside from the article in this month's (November's) Mental Health Practice, I wrote another at about this time last year, which is being published in this December's MHP. With a photo. Which means a photo shoot, next Monday. But as it will be outdoors, I feel strangely comfortable with the idea.
I didn't feel so comfortable yesterday, or for the past few days. Why?
I don't like haircuts. So hubby - with foot in plaster - gave me a DIY haircut. Which is fine, but it's been worrying me. How do you explain a haircut with a large pair of paper scissors?
But now I know it's an outside shoot, and a location I'm happy with, I'm at ease. :)
'Air on a G String' right now. It's bucketing down outside. Hubby's sleeping in the chair, housework can wait, and I'm going to read a book.
'Canon' right now. Maybe I'll just just join hubby and the cats, and bliss out.
It really is that kind of day...

I should write something

but I'm not quite sure what.
Next Monday I have a photo shoot - see how calmly I say it? :D It's an outside location - and a very appropriate place.
I'm plum tuckered. I feel like a weather vane - I feel change coming, and it's hopeful.
For my views on debt, they're in this month's issue of Mental health Practice

The Sun's Shining

and it's a beautiful blue sky morning.
I will get the housework done today.
Go and buy a paper, have a bit of a walk, come home, get the housework done.
Yes housework.
Me and housework today, totally committed.
No hesitation, no procrastination, no distraction.
I shall be seeing a lot of Flash. I shall make the hoover sound across the living room and hall.
I shall dust off the duster, and re-introduce Pledge to the furniture.
Dishes shall be not just washed, but put away.
I shall clear surface clutter.
I shall diligently recycle.
I shall not fear spiders in the garage.
I fear nothing.

Ho no. Just call me Fearless Diligent Housewife today.
If I had a pinny, I'd put it on right now. Ho yes.
Um...

All of this pretty much depends on me getting dressed.
I'd better do that first then. :D
Eight minutes past nine in the morning, finishing my coffee...

Well it's

that time of the day again, for a little blogging.
As I'm hoping for a full night's sleep, I'll just add a bit to yesterday's comments about 'Joe's Palace'.
I love to watch great drama, and that was masterful. The script was superb, the actors brilliant. It held me, riveted. Literally arrested, literally spellbound. Wonderful. :)

Joe's Palace

Stephen Poliakoff, BBC1 Sunday - brilliant, wonderful, absorbing. Worth owning a telly for! :)
Half past midnight, and I must go to sleep now.

Poppies

This time of year, I always think of my Grampy. He fought in the trenches in the First World War, was promoted to Sergeant, but would never say what happened. We have a few things, his medals, and replies to letters he had to write to mothers about their sons. So we know only a little, but his silence spoke volumes - as it always does - about what he went through. What they all went through. What fighting was, and still is.
Everyone should be wearing poppies now.
I'll write more later, but found an interesting blog this morning:
WW1: Experiences of an English Soldier

Movement..

Hurrah! The leg-scrunch exercise is helping - Hurrah!! :D
'Course I have yet to test it by walking to the shops but...
Signs are encouraging!
- why a new sentence? Because signs are encouraging elsewhere too. Over on my Fight Debt page you'll see one reason why.
- and the sun's shining!
- and the trees are turning copper and red!
- and we had a squirrel on our back fence this morning...
signs of red squirrel in the grey fur - also very encouraging!

So here I am, bolstered! :D Hubby's foot is now hurting less, so hopefully he'll be out of plaster and properly on the mend in a couple of weeks.
Hurrahs all round this morning!!

Hip Knees and...

- no, too obvious! :)
I'm currently writing this in excruciating pain, so it won't be very long.
Saw the doctor about pain in right leg - the left is just being wayward, as usual. But the right... ohh bugger!!
Some years ago now I broke my right leg falling downstairs, kind of at an angle. Leg in plaster 6 weeks. Years ago. Now, as you'd expect, it hurts when it rains etc. But the wayward left leg has been making the right leg work harder, causing more pain. Hip and knee and thigh and ankle and calf. I think that's everything - plus pain and tingling in toes. So I saw a GP this morning, who said it may be lack of tautness in the thigh muscles, and gave me an exercise which basically means I put my right foot on my left leg and scrunch it up.
Well I'm hoping time will yield better results, because the pain is currently (1 hour post-exercise) *&^%ing unbelievable!!

Onward and upward - bloody hope so.

Soap Sandwich Mondays...

Corrie - now I feel sorry for David.
EastEnders - read Ladies in the Red for (very well put) details of Peggy's debt...
and then wonder at the ludicrous solution Ronnie and Roxy came up with. Only in soaps. Then... back to Corrie, and David's written a suicide note his sister tore up, thinking it was another of David's tricks. Now we wait until Wednesday. Or Friday??
Doc Martin's bloody good drama - funny and scenic - what could be better? The mad sister of one of his patients has been 'treating' her with medicine she's concocted in her cellar... not a good idea, with all that mould on the brickwork. A bit 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane'ish - mixed with Dr Crippen! Doc Martin sorted it though - his final words to the mad scientist (retired) - 'Spooky old bat!' summed her up perfectly.
Now I must go. Before the soap sandwich started I was looking round the house - dust bunnies on the lino, so much laundry, everything out of place... But it's writing time as well. Something has to give, the laundry can wait another day.
Article published in Mental Health Practice. Book's under way.
Funny old year.

Ladies in the Red and Peggy's Barnet

If you haven't seen this yet, you should:
Peggy's in the Red!
Excellent. :) xx

In the real world,

in the 'not mad' world, a disgrace of a human being can get 'off his face' on drink and drugs, go outside, urinate and spray shaving foam over a dying woman. He was admonished and jailed, but - three years time, he'll be out.

Society, eh? ...

A century ago, a woman who gave birth to an illegitimate child would be labelled 'moral defective' and locked up in an asylum, for life. Until they closed the asylums.
I nursed several such women. Sane as when they first arrived. Never a danger to society. Not ever. Just subject to a nation's mores, at that time - and victims of hospital 'treatments' and 'regimes' thereafter. And finally victims of 'society's prevailing attitudes. In the 1980s. You may not have been around to remember. Society in the 1980s was one long harsh Winter, cold and brutal. Money was everything.

The effects of that decade linger on. Perhaps more than you realise.
Society was so degraded, that it will take a long time to heal. We see it now, in other ways. Society doesn't need political correctness. It could use a single, all-embracing faith - but in what?
It just needs a soul.

Early morning..

And too early to be awake. Thankfully my GP realises this and prescribes medication for just such eventualities. So I'd write more - have much to say - but the meds are kicking in - until tomorrow then.
PS: CSA is off my Christmas Card list again.

BIG Promises, Tiny Words..

Dear CSA,
I have seen your 'Debt Manifesto' but...
Well here's the problem.
The writing's very very small indeed. Even magnified, it needs much peering into the monitor just to read. Perhaps, if you could make the text bigger, more people would be interested?
... Or is it that you don't want it read by any outsiders?
A curious anomaly. That you should squeeze so much interesting information into what looks like..
well it looks like...
The 'small print' on forms an ordinary consumer might not bother to read, to a creditor's great satisfaction!
I hope that's not the reason.

For the kind comments -

Thanks, much appreciated :)xx
Hokay, hubby went back to hospital, they took the plaster cast off and the doctor pinched his toes and asked, "Did that hurt?" Hubby (after falling back down from the ceiling) said yes. Doctor poked other bits of his foot and said "What about this?" No. "This?" No. "But this hurts?" YES!!!
So he went for another X-Ray and the results are encouraging, but not there yet. So he's now got a new plaster cast on - as before - and is hoping the next time he goes - in three weeks - the toe-pinching doctor doesn't examine him again.
Hubby's Dad was a boxer, and spent most of his working life as a collier. Not a tall man, or easily moved to anger, but we both knew that if Dr Toe-pinch had examined his broken foot, said Doctor would have been pinned against the wall!! "Now sithee...!"

So, 3 more weeks off work.
We had the most extraordinary letter from a bank the other day. Full of profuse apologies, but they can't find our credit agreements! Offered £25 cheque reimbursement. With the help of one extremely talented lady, we have written back a very strongly-worded letter, posted Special Delivery today. They have put us through Hell over the past year, while we continued paying them, in good faith. But they have now, having breached so many parts of the Data Protection Act, admitted they've made some very big mistakes. We will not let this continue. A storm may be brewing, and it's pretty scary, but I expect many of you realise by now - we're on the offensive. They set a pack of rottweilers onto us, played all kinds of games with our personal information and turned a genuine plan to repay everyone into some kind of free-for-all for banking's sinister, 'truth-lite' 'collections process'.
Well, as I've said, their letter was astonishing. There may well be fireworks before Bonfire Night!!!

Drawing a line under yesterday..

because that's all you can do sometimes. People are often ignorant. I think judging the person concerned was unfair, but

This is a low..

I think it's a song somewhere, but hell it's true.
There's no obvious reason, except reading a remark today, which made the stupidest old comment about lunatics and asylum - and it has really really got to me.
Particularly as it was said smugly, about a month ago, and in context was incredibly bigoted. Hypocritical - and prejudiced. It was also based on piss-poor judgement of someone in crisis.
But what do I know, eh? What do I know?
A lifetime's worth of mental illness. As a nurse. As a patient. As a relative. As a confidante. As a listener.
I know you can break your back, break your heart, bringing about the slightest change. And all you know is that you can see or hear the change, that something you said might have had an effect. You don't win prizes for it.

People like to claim ownership of great ideas, or try to justify crass ones. But human beings balance on a high-wire most of their lives, wavering between good and bad. And people who break down are actually some of the most honest people walking the planet. They are no longer able to sustain a pretence. That's why society rejects them. Meanwhile, society accepts the truly insane, who keep their madness tranquillised with socially acceptable sedatives. It's okay to drink yourself into a stupor. And illegally obtained mind-altering substances. Somehow that's okay.

But what do I know? As I said, this is a low...

Alan Coren Has Died

Broadcaster Alan Coren dies at 69
Very sorry to hear this. Radio 4 will be missing someone really special, now he's gone. Genuinely clever and very funny man. Sad news.

There's so much talk

of so much these days, I'll not join in, just keep to a few things..
Charlie Kennedy - good bloke.
Gordon Brown - good bloke, I think... we'll see.
Hospitals - bloody sort it out everyone!!
Peregrine Falcon - yes definitely it was, as one has also been filmed elsewhere in the Midlands. I don't think I'm going to say where, because I want to write about it - and having witnessed a mass gathering of bird watchers just to see a long-tailed skua, I'm thinking that a peregrine falcon should be allowed some privacy. It's in a beautiful spot, and hopefully has the chance to rear its' young.
Do you know, after all these years, I still have problems with apostrophes? Ack.
Hopefully hubby's foot is on the mend. Still in plaster, but he's getting by - and the rest has done him good.
It's a beautiful autumnal morning. Bright blue sky, and the frost is still on the ground. The leaves are turning, but without the vivid colours that we had last year. Less melanin I think, probably because of the wet Summer.
Family's doing okay - always a worry, but okay.

Soaps - Cilla hoofed it from Coronation Street for Las Vegas, leaving son behind. Said son is just about managing. And Ian Beale finally reappeared in Eastenders, having been 'locked up' in a flat with a locked door - ??? - for weeks - ???. The boy Steven did it, there was a gun, Jane got accidentally shot...
Actually the best bit this week was an old man with a pocket full of loose change, buying a pint of beer at the Queen Vic, standing, sipping his beer, standing... very good, well played sir, whoever you are! :D

Jethro Tull - Life's a Long Song

I have always loved this song. Bizarrely, it was playing in Asda today. Strange but great timing. :)
So I Googled (as you do) and here it is:
Life's a Long Song
And here's the lyrics:

When you're falling awake and you take stock of the new day,
and you hear your voice croak as you choke on what you need to say,
well, don't you fret, don't you fear,
I will give you good cheer.
Life's a long song.
Life's a long song.
Life's a long song.

If you wait then your plate I will fill.

As the verses unfold and your soul suffers the long day,
and the twelve o'clock gloom spins the room,
you struggle on your way.
Well, don't you sigh, don't you cry,
lick the dust from your eye.

Life's a long song.
Life's a long song.
Life's a long song.

We will meet in the sweet light of dawn.

As the Baker Street train spills your pain all over your new dress,
and the symphony sounds underground put you under duress,
well don't you squeal as the heel grinds you under the wheel.

Life's a long song.
Life's a long song.
Life's a long song.

But the tune ends too soon for us all.

Beautiful song by an incredible musician. Ian Anderson.
If you've never heard Jethro Tull (?), buy a copy of 'Living in the Past' and enjoy.
PS: I don't think they're selling the album in Asda. It was just a rare calming moment in shopland. :)

Days are moments and moods

Passing clouds, some rain
With pleasant contradictions, sense - brings pain.
You can stand in the line
or rise like a storm
at the foot of the mountain

He died...

and we'll never know, because he was fighting for life in hospital anyway. He lost the fight. But here's the other part of the blog entries for that evening in May:

Meanwhile..
People struggle for life.
The thing about stripping a bed, is you actually remove the bedding, wash and thoroughly disinfect the bed. You don't pull the bedding off and leave it in a heap at the foot of the bed, wheeled into the patients' dayroom????
Strewth.

Further to old post and photos below...

We don't live anywhere near Maidstone. And the relative we were visiting died.

hmm... blue

Originally 'blogged' 29th May 2007 10.36pm.
This was a general hospital ward for people with respiratory diseases.

- and do I like blue?

Introducing, the totally mrsa-conscious hospital ward.
Hospital ward, this afternoon.
A ward full of incredibly ill people. And a 'day room', with tables and chairs... et voila!:




Reassuring, eh?

Charles Moore on Maidstone NHS Failings

An excellent article by Charles Moore in today's Daily Telegraph, which you can read here:
The NHS wins when its patients die

In the 1980s, many of the essential services in hospitals were 'contracted out' - ie. 'sold to outside contractors'. The biggest casualty of this part-privatisation was ultimately, the patient.
Even working in a psychiatric hospital - always the 'poor relation' to NHS care - the cleaning services were - before this 'exposure to market forces occurred' - impeccable. Each ward had a 'Domestic Staff'. They were thorough and kept the wards clean. They were a vital part of hospital life. They were the foundation of hospital care. They never shirked, never vacillated, and never stopped keeping the wards spotless. They cleaned everything. They were also very trusted and respected colleagues. They went about their work as we went about ours, and in truth they were often the first person someone in hospital could trust. I'm saying that not just as a nurse, but also as a former hospital patient. They were honest and kind. They were good people.
'Keeping a ward clean' was never an issue before then. It was fundamental, like breathing. that's why hospitals smelt of disinfectant, for crying out loud!
But then - introduce the 'private sector' and good sense was pushed out of the care system, just like good, loyal, unstinting employees.
It was just about the stupidest decision ever made. And there were a lot of stupid decisions in the 1980s.

Earlier this year, we visited a very sick relative on a hospital ward. For a short time, to avoid crowding the bed, I went to sit in the ward 'dayroom'. That is, a day room for patients to sit in? I think I saved the photographs in draft on this blog. Because an unmade bed, with the rolled-up dirty bedding at the foot, had been left in there. I'll go and find the photos...

One thing...

- how on earth does a nurse tell a patient to mess themselves in their bed?
We were both gobsmacked by this on the news.
So much more to say, but I really really need a break from reality.
...

Gawd that's ironic! :D
Seriously - going to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Because if ever a break from reality was needed, it's now.

A Note to the Government...

I think I like you! :)
Don't fret over a bad week's 'spin'. The journalists may be in a froth over it, but ordinary people aren't so bothered. They want sound people in charge. They want to be governed by good, courageous men and women. It takes guts to make the big decisions. People respect that. You are starting to take the bullshit out of governance. I can see it. Just keep going, and do the right things, best as you can. We're looking to you. :) xx

'Cameron says Brown looks 'phoney'' says the news..

... Eh?
I'm looking for a bit of 'moral high ground' these days.
All I see are shifting sands. Monkeys heading for the trees.
But I do see a horizon. I kind of see beyond the horizon too.
Yes I'm talking metaphors. I may not seem to be doing much.
Appearances can be deceptive. Remember, I'm a menopausal writer with big issues.
I am working towards their resolution.
And I'm not alone. :) xx

I should blog, but

I'm just too tired. It's not even 7.30pm. I'll not be watching Corrie tonight. There's a programme on mental health awareness on BBC1 East Midlands - 'Inside Out' I think.
I'm only halfway middle-aged. Inside I'm still a bit dynamic. But I'll watch it drinking tea and dozing with hubby on the settee. So I'm only a bit dynamic tonight.
Half a dynamo...
Less than half...
I should blog but I'll try later. Much to say but -
Dyna-maybelater. :) (weak smile)

Eastenders - Where's Ian Beale?

'Scuse me for a soapy moment - but where is he??
Still in that flat? Top floor, with nobody else living there? Because if he's alive Steven never checks if he's okay. So that can't be right??
Is he dead? Did the dastardly Steven dispose of his body?
What's going on? Well I can see Steven has 'designs' on getting his brother and sister away from Jane, but does he fancy Jane? He tried to kiss her and she was horrified (quite rightly!)... But where's Ian? What did Steven do to him? It was Steven, wasn't it? Did I miss an episode??
Good grief. These dastardly soap plots go on... and on... and on... and we watch.
Meanwhile in Corrie, Cilla's just found herself £45,000 richer...
Halfway funny, but where's Roy and Hayley? I hope they sort it out.

Venice is Beautiful,

as beautiful as ever.
And the earth, right now, is looking spectacular. The cloud formations are stunning.

Ladies in the Red Part 2...

Have left 2 comments on your Mail on Sunday article now. First was in the early hours - thought I might have clicked 'clear', so just tried again... Am I writing gibberish? Who knows?
Point is, I think your writing is thoughtful, sensitive and your website is funnier than Bridget Jones's Diary. So there. :) xx

Sleep early, wake early hours

get scanning done. Drink milk, take Zopiclone - believe I shall sleep through to the morning now! :D

Ladies in the Red - Mail on Sunday

You fell down, you got up again, ain't never gonna bring you down...
Nearly 3am, but I get to write the first comment on your article! :D
Onward and upward chuck!!
Now everybody must buy the Mail on Sunday today, to see her photo as well!
Big hug - you deserve it, gel! So glad you reverted the Phil Spector as 'that lady! ;) :D xx

It was sometime after 1am

and the dream (below) had woken me. I was falling asleep at the keyboard. But writing it down mattered.
Yesterday proved to be a day of very conflicting emotions.
I've reduced my meds to see if it will help my driving the car. It hasn't, yet - but early days.
The one thing, however, that always has the most profound effect is the quality of sleep. Just now, it's not so good. I have to balance that with many other things.

No post until Thursday!!! Hoorah! :D Almost a week - guaranteed by the strike - to think things through properly, set in order.
The reference to Jules and the baked bean tin - I admitted (and I'm not proud of it) that there have been times in the past year when eating, for me, has involved cold baked beans out of a tin. Stress did it. I have not cooked properly for some years, and hubby's prepared most meals. Now hubby's laid up for a few weeks while his broken foot mends I'm cooking, and driving. I'm not so good at driving these days - probably down to lack of confidence. But I'm not that good at walking either. Things will improve - yes I am cooking now, and shopping, and trying to buy the right foods. But my mind's a bit fuzzy - probably anxiety.
Things will improve.
Things will improve.

Courage.

Dreams will wake you..

or some dreams anyway. I dreamt that we were driving though twisters - tornados - so many - around the car, and the car was covered in debris. Afterwards, when we got out of the car - hillocks of polystyrene - we were calling it 'moondust'. I woke, very cold and hubby snoring

Am going forth, as we speak

to buy nutritious food to cook.
You scare me girl, you really do! ;) :D xx

Jules, m'dear... :D

Stephen Fry on HIV/AIDS

Please check the BBC website for details.
Don't be stupid.
AIDS kills. It is a terrible death. 25 years ago people died because they didn't know in time.
You all know now. You also know the drill.
Practise safe sex.

Remembering the Past?

In the Independent on Sunday, I read the following article:

Sister thought long dead 'discovered' in care home
By Tom McTague
Published: 30 September 2007

Imagine the shock of the brothers Alan and David Gambell when they received a letter addressed to their mother who had been dead for 25 years. On opening it, they discovered it was from a care home concerning their older sister Jean, who they thought long dead.

In 1937, before her brothers were born, Jean had been declared "feeble of mind" and "certified" indefinitely after being accused of stealing half a crown, about 13p, from the doctor's surgery where she worked. The money she "stole" was found weeks later.

Alan and David recalled having seen their sister when they were children, but always with a minder. The brothers were later placed in an orphanage and lost touch with Jean.

David, 63, said that although Jean, 85, had not seen her brothers in 60 years, "she took one look at us and said 'Hello Alan, hello David' and flung her arms around us".

"The best thing is to leave her in peace where she is," said David, adding that they were all looking forward to "doing normal things that family's do".

Beryl Brazier

Please remember her name.
Article submitted 28th September, about the terrible reality of Debt Collection.
The next day I read about her death.
There's a link to the Downing Street Petition on my Fight Debt Page.
Please help stop this from ever happening again.

Read this news...

on my Debt Page here

It's Autumn

.. and all the leaves are falling from the trees
So don't need to climb so high
to see so far

- and there is a tale to tell

of both the long-tailed skua and peregrine falcon, of a river and bright blue mornings, of bird-spotters and bemused photographers, which I can't tell right now, as I'm writing something else. Even then, I'm not sure I should tell it. We'll see.

The peregrine falcon

is here

The long-tailed skua

Is here

Halfway Through

Phase 1. Beautiful blue sky. Which is incidental but nice! :)

Phase One

.. Begins today.
Get the article written.
Phase Two - starts at the weekend.
Hubby's doing okay with his foot in plaster. We're doing okay. No hassling letters today. The bills are being paid. Everything else can wait.

A Little Mobility...

Arrived in hubby's discovery of how well our cheap office chair can propel him around the front room and hall. He's really very good at scudding about on it. Quite good fun too. And, with leg encased, no pain! :D This is all good, and quite a bit of fun. :D

A Note to The Bank of England

Dear Sir(s),
I understand that you were aware that the recent bank crisis was impending, and had you been allowed, you would have taken 'covert action' behind the scenes to bail out the recklessly irresponsible - and really rather greedy - culprit. Now who am I, a consumer, to judge whether this would have been right or wrong. You are dealing in millions - if not billions - daily, whereas we consumers are window-shopping for the essentials of daily life.
Pence off a bottle of shampoo, for example.
But our actions (which apparently between us, have contributed to over a trillion pounds of debt) are irresponsible and negligent, and our efforts to 'make right' our mistakes label us - quite a large portion of the UK population - as social miscreants and therefore open to the very fires of Hades, or rather the 'attention' of thugs in suits, ie. 'Debt Collection Agencies', I very much doubt that you have a Debt Collection Agency working on your behalf. So the money you've 'lent' to the aforementioned bank, you won't have thugs in suits struggling to put whole words together in threatening letters to them?
Hmm.

In a surreally bad mood

-

Fractured metatarsals!

Hubby hurt his foot 2 months ago. After a weekend at work, he went to A and E, had an X-Ray, all seemed fine, just bruised. It was hurting bad, like toothache. Went to GP, foot swollen, prescribed antibiotics. Had blood tests. Went to work again, same result - agony! Went to GP again, got another course of antibiotics, kept foot up - still hurting and swollen. Went back to GP, new course of antibiotics, sent for another X-Ray. This time the X-Ray showed the fracture. Now in a toe-to-knee plaster of paris pot and on crutches. off work for 6 weeks, more blood test tomorrow, just to be sure. But - fractured foot - ow!!!
Anyway he's feeling better with the full plaster-cast on.

The weather's changing

and, as Bob Dylan sang, you don't need a weatherman...
I could go on, but I'm too tired.
It was a beautiful morning, blue sky, quite a wind blowing, just my kind of weather.

Ice caps are melting, lakes are shrinking, you can buy a day in Lapland - just a short hop and I'd imagine quite a rapid 'sledge experience' - all in a day, by plane. That's the way to see the world. Kill a bit of it on a day excursion.

All of the fights

can wait, tonight...
There's a new moon.
Fights turn
dreams, crowd fires
on building sites
shrink life to rights
and rats, to brutish
bricks and mortar...
I want to hear soft water lapping
at the edges of...
I want to be in Venice now. Rest easy, in my lovers' arms

Venice

I want to be in Venice now.
Venice Webcams

Plus you can see

the world sunlight and shadow, on the Moon Phase site.
How the earth is, light and darkness, constantly shifting.
I know what my next article will be.
I know what my next book will be.
I'm watching worlds turn.

The Moon

I love this web site - just found it again today by accident.
Moon Phase It's very beautiful :D

Strange Forces - and Faith

You can look at life one way, and it's not so good.
Then - although nothing has palpably changed - you feel change happening nonetheless.
A kind of stillness descends, a little bit of grace surrounds you.
Things improve.

Beautiful poem, wonderful first line. Written before the Second World War.
Incredible sunset tonight, catching the trees... made me think of it:

The Sunlight on the Garden, by Louis McNiece

The sunlight on the garden
Hardens and grows cold,
We cannot cage the minute
Within its nets of gold;
When all is told
We cannot beg for pardon.

Our freedom as free lances
Advances towards its end;
The earth compels, upon it
Sonnets and birds descend;
And soon, my friend,
We shall have no time for dances.

The sky was good for flying
Defying the church bells
And every evil iron
Siren and what it tells:
The earth compels,
We are dying, Egypt, dying

And not expecting pardon,
Hardened in heart anew,
But glad to have sat under
Thunder and rain with you,
And grateful too
For sunlight on the garden.

An Update on Webster..

the toy spider, that is. We bought him for my niece probably 26 years ago. Then he went to my first nephew, then my second nephew, then when he was thoroughly outgrown and unwanted, we took him back. He's now a very battered happy Webster somewhere in the attic.
The real big hairy Webster (he was that big, like a mouse on eight legs!) has 'gone to ground'.
Who knows where he might be...
But frankly, so long as we don't have to cross paths again, he can carry on doing his thing. :)

The garden's overgrown, we're both creaking... it's been that kind of year. But we're through it, and I'm growing more confident. Angrier than I'd like to be, but the spin-off from anger is that you get more done.
Now - health matters.

If only all spiders were..

Lke this.
This is Webster the Spider.

We bought one of Webster's precessors

If only all spiders were..

Like this.
This is Webster the Spider.


We bought one of Webster's predecessors many years ago for my niece, I think. It survived, and returned to us when she grew too old for it. So, it's in the attic.
I'm really rather fond of it. You pull it with the string and it bobs up and down.

The other night our cats were playing with a carrier bag on the floor. when I picked it up, a spider that looked for all the world like a brown hairy Webster, scuttled past me into the kitchen...
and disappeared!!!

Now, if you've read this blog you'll know I'm a bit spider-phobic.
My mate Jules told me about spiders having lungs, which seemed reassuring at the time but...
And hubby was telling me the other day about someone 'at the pit' years ago having a whopping great spider wave its' front legs at him in self-defence...
So I see the giant spider scuttle past, and have a terrible vision of the real Webster hiding in a kitchen cupboard, breathing heavily, ready to wave its' front legs at me!!!
It was not a reassuring thought. In fact it brought to mind that scene in Poltergeist where the clown keeps rocking back and forth, back and forth, then reappears under the boy's bed! Or the scene in Toy Story where the por doll's head has been fixed on a meccano spiders' legs!
... Sometimes i think it might be nice not to imagine things!!

Nearly tapped the monitor then..

as I was half logged in to the blog.
Wanted to to say, to the computer screen I might add, "Am I blogging?"
For I was neither there nor here -
a hinterland, an unblogging wilderness.

I'm tired, right tired.
Good to see Nelson Mandela witness the unveiling of his own statue in London.
There's a man who genuinely moves me.
- and I was wondering about the things I'd lived through.
The moon landing, several industrial actions. National power cuts, the miners' strike. Police vans in the village. Local park full of police tents.
9/11...
...
...
Elvis dying. John Lennon being killed. Seeing the Berlin Wall dismantled. The end of apartheid.
And so many other things, great and small, sometimes spectating, sometimes involved.
One of the great moments, for me, was Nelson Mandela's birhday 'interview' with David Frost - and Nelson getting up to dance. I'll see if I can find a clip on Youtube.
Great man, Nelson Mandela. Great man.

Nelson Mandela Statue is Unveiled - BBC News

A statue of former South African President Nelson Mandela has been unveiled in London.

Mr Mandela, 89, his wife Graca Machel, and Prime Minister Gordon Brown were among those at the unveiling in Parliament Square.

Mr Brown hailed Mr Mandela as the "greatest and most courageous leader of our generation".

The late South African anti-apartheid activist Donald Woods had the idea for the 9ft-high (2.7m) bronze statue.

Talking to crowds who gathered for the unveiling, Mr Mandela said: "Though this statue is of one man, it should in actual fact symbolise all of those who have resisted oppression, especially in my country."

Nelson Mandela

BBC Webpage

Something Inside So Strong - Labi Siffre:

The higher you build your barriers
The taller I become
The further you take my rights away

The faster I will run
You can deny me, you can decide
To turn your face away
No matter 'cause there's

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone, oh no
There's something inside so strong
Oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, something inside so strong

The more you refuse to hear my voice (ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh)
The louder I will sing
You hide behind walls of Jericho (ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh ooh-weh)
Your lies will come tumbling
Deny my place in time, you squander wealth that's mine
My light will shine so brightly it will blind you
Because there's

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone, oh no
There's something inside so strong
Oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, something inside so strong

Brothers and sisters, when they insist we're just not good enough
Well we know better, just look him in his eyes and say
We're gonna do it anyway, we're gonna do it anyway
We're gonna do it anyway, we're gonna do it anyway
Because there's

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone, oh no, oh no
There's something inside so strong

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone, oh no, oh no
There's something inside so strong
Oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, something inside so strong
(Oh oh oh) oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, something inside so strong
Oh oh-oh-oh-oh, something inside so strong

Just Call Me...

Daft as a brush. A few slices short of the full loaf.
But I've never stopped believing in..
Believing in what?

... Well I haven't. Whatever it is :) xx
PS:



^^^
Three carriage returns.
A hole in white space ;)

Hole in Space..

There's a whacking great hole in space:
BBC - Hole in Space
It's one we can't help mend.
But holes in society - we can tackle them between us - all of us...
Can't we?

Some kid with a gun...

Some kid on a pushbike shot a little boy in the neck. The little boy is dead.
Three shots, and no mistaking the intention.
We all want to know why.
And then stop it from happening again.
No. Just stop it from happening again. Then we need to know why.
Guns rip through flesh and sever arteries. They explode bodies.
Then they tear apart the lives of those left behind.
Guns kill, and keep on destroying.

Some punk in a hoodie.
And a gun. On a bike.
A kid on a pushbike with a gun.
Absurd and terrible.
Incongruous and terrible.
Terrible.

You may not see steam

coming out of my ears but, believe me, tonight I'm angry!
Roughly a year since our front door broke.
And now we're seeing just what the crisis brought in on the waves.
The kind of crud the storm left behind.
The kind of vermin that feed on it.

- but you know what? I'm not who I was back then.
I'm stronger, and I'm angry.
Very angry indeed.
Very very very angry. Watch this space.
DCAs - watch this space.

This is news..

CNN International
Good or bad. The world's a big place. We're just a little bit of it. Train a large-angle camera on the planet. Tell us what's happening. Tell us the news.

Breakfast Notnews

Breakfast TV's an interesting thing. Not quite the news you want, but repeated over and over and over...
Sometimes telling you about the things a Minister will say later in the day (?)
Or a Shadow Cabinet Official who will be telling you something later in the day (??)
Something official, something legal, something funny... ha
ha
ha...

And it may rain. Or it may not rain. And some poor little roving weatherman/woman will be posted to someplace somewhere to tell you about a quaint little tea-dance or the biggest collection of somethings ever assembled... moving deftly (or not) on to the overview of the whole of Great Britain which, after lots of research and stuff, they turned into the colour of a baby's nappy - completely.
Gone - the lovely green island.
Gone - the bright yellow suns.
Gone - the animated clouds.
Dun-brown is realistic?

Anyway I digress.
So - assuming this is a day when hopefully no news is good news but you still want to know what the news is, soon, with a cup of coffee... Quick. Just tell me the news. Is the world okay? What's happening? Well okay... ramble on if you like, I've got a few minutes, only tell me the news soon... No, not the little bits but the stuff I want to know, and don't laugh so starchly, I didn't hear a joke!!!
... Assuming, and waiting, and...

Well anyway. On the news this morning was a gem. Leading you in like it might be news but...
It was about depression. Something like,
According to research, not as many people are suffering from depression than might have been. A top psychiatrist has said that not as many people are suffering from actual depression as first thought... writing in a leading magazine today... (I do believe they put a quick screen-shot of a hospital - or a chart - on in the background.) Okay, I'm still a nurse at heart, this might be interesting...
Then they add, however, another psychiatrist in the same journal disputes the findings...
???
And that's it?
That was it.
I heard it twice.
How very bizarre.

So, here's a sum for whoever thought this was a story worth telling me this morning.
Take the number ONE.
Add the number MINUS ONE.
That is: 1 + -1.
= EQUALS???

Please. The world's a busy place. Just tell me the news. It's too early for weird.

Flossie Floribundum

- and the Nigella Lawson of cakes! :D
Who'd'a thunk it? Was 47 even a year when we were in our teens?
...
1984 was a book by George Orwell we hadn't read.
The year 2000 was Science Fiction.
Getting to be as old as our parents was never going to happen.
Not a chance.
Oh bugger.
Welcome to a new year of your life. An age so odd it's even an odd number!!


Happy Birthday Chuck. Love you to bits! xx
PS: Check flickr!! :D

I'm astonished..

by what is actually coming to light re. Debt collection Agencies.
I do actually wonder if their activities could account for the increasing number of bankruptcies...
Pressuring people - the form and manner that they believe is appropriate - is nowhere to be seen on any of their websites.

Something's going on today

- and I don't know what it is!

BBC News - Land Registry

Look on the BBC Website for a video clip about £3 access to anyone's details - by anyone.
The link's faulty, so just search the BBC for 'Land Registry Fraud'.
Data Protection, anyone???

But yesterday was a..

wonderful day nonetheless. It didn't rain, and the sky was full of cloud, some towers of white and gold, some grey against the blue sky, some dark and brooding. It was beautiful to see. But the real thrill was the place we were, and what happened.
A very special ninety-year-old lady I've come to love and admire, very much, took her first-ever flight.
She has survived two World Wars, was abandoned by her first husband and took care of their child alone. She walked into a bank with her plans and came out with the money she needed to run a Guest House by the sea. She remarried a mineworker, had another child and has spent most of her life looking after other people. She has a few medical conditions, but the worst was the cataract on one eye. Because her other eye has been damaged with diabetes, it meant that she was close to being blind. She thought that was it, for a while. Then they successfully removed the cataract and now she can see things again. She couldn't see colours, but now they are vivid to her.

A few weeks ago, having only recently lost her last remaining brother - the boy whose pants she used to darn - it was her 90th Birthday. There are only two things she hadn't done: ride a Harley or fly in a helicopter. Today, the latter wish came true.
Despite her age, she nearly sprinted into the helicopter. She sat in the front with the pilot, headphones on, and flew, for the first time in her life, over the city where she was born. And we were all there to witness it. :D
She flew into a sky that was full of light and dark, like an oil painting. She flew over the place she was born. She flew over city parks and council estates she had known all her life. She flew, and just did not stop smiling with joy - going up, or coming down.
And nor did we. Nor shall we, ever. :D :D

I tend to think images, not facts..

and those who know me understand. It's something I've had all my life - or at least it feels that way.
ECT didn't help. I should think a few synapses fused. But - even though I grew up in a town, delivered papers as a kid and theoretically should know it like the back of my hand, I don't know street names. Not even the streets I delivered papers to!
I remember things that 'caught my eye'. I still do. But often I can't pin them down.
People - I have the same problem. Multiplied several times over by having worked with people who subsequently nursed me, and ECT, and a lot of medication.
Then I had eye problems - surgery helped, but sometimes I can focus, sometimes not.
Which in turn relates to a sometimes crippling inability to focus on the specifics of living - ie. living with 'mental illness'.
I have visions sometimes - not hallucinations, but a change - a notable change - in 'reality'. In depression, you could call it a darkness, but it isn't really. It's more a dissipation, a greying out of life. I've lived with it long enough now to recognise some aspects of it, but I'm actually more aware of when it leaves. You live with the view out of a greyed window, then you become aware of the greyness lifting, and suddenly it's an incredibly beautiful glass mosaic that the sun's shining through! The change is so dramatic sometimes it actually feels physical. You no longer relate to the grey world behind you. It just doesn't belong!
And then there are times when I'm high on life - really drunk with the vitality of it... that leaves a hangover. When that happens, the scales really do tip. One day I feel like I own the world and love every bit of it! The next, I can't even get dressed.
Well hell, that's the way of it. I've lived with it long enough now. I've been ill. I come back. The highs are extraordinary and the lows are numbingly dreadful, but still, the highs are great!

Right now i'm dealing with a lot of letters, and it's hard to keep track of everything. Last week my heart pounded with anxiety just for having written them. Letters like these, and forms = no space for dreaming. You have to be particular.

So here I am, half past ten at night, wondering what tomorrow's post will bring, wondering if the sky's clear enough to see comets.. But wondering, most of all, about one of the most incredible moments of my life - seeing a grand old lady getting her helicopter flight. And her whole family were grinning from ear to ear as they witnessed it. :D
Great day. :D
Paranoia, administration, illness, vision - and fifteen minutes of complete joy! :D

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I love this poem. It's seen me through some very rough times:

The Lake Isle of Innisfree By William Butler Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a-glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear the water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

Philadelphia Freedom

It's Saturday morning. The kind of Saturday morning, in 1975, that I'd travel ten miles or so on the top deck of a double-decker. Through country lanes, beside the river, then through more country lanes too small, really, for a double-decker bus. But it was a grand bus-ride all the same. At the journey's end I'd catch up with my mate and we'd walk up to the supermarket, where we spent the day as Saturday girls.
So, it's Saturday morning. We both remember the song, Jules ;) So this is for you:
Philadelphia Freedom
47 minus 4 now :D xx

Sad about the news

Sorrier than I can say about the latest foot-and-mouth outbreak. I just hope they can halt it. When it last happened, travelling through the countryside, it was impossible not to notice that the fields were eerily empty. Just distant plumes of smoke.
It's a devastating thing.

For ourselves - well, we have had no replies from anyone regarding our letters. Just curious silence. Over the past three days, we've had junk mail, nothing more.
Yesterday I slept from early evening till 4.30 this morning. I woke with the rising sun. I heard an owl calling - it's been some months since I last heard one round here. That was from somewhere on the main road. I also watched the sun turn the leaves gold on the tree at the back of us. Wonderful.
The antibiotics are leaving me feeling quite ill, but I was ill before them, and they should be working, so - here's hoping!

Lincoln Cathedral, Sunlight Through Stained Glass

Look on the left shaft of sunlight. Extraordinary.

Flo, 47 minus 6..

This is what Whitby Folk do, after work.. ;)

Dark early tonight..

Even though the sky's clouded, suddenly the nights are drawing in.
I have a touch of bronchitis, but started antibiotics today. I'm a little bit feve